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| Title | Byline | Issue # |
|---|---|---|
| Commentary: Its Just Breakfast, Dammit | Snoop | 2 |
| I Write These Articles To Impress Hot Women | Don Juan | 4 |
| Kiddie Korner | ME!!!! | 4 |
| Editorial: I'm Not a Bad Guy, Just Misunderstood | Saddam Hussein | 8 |
| Counterpoint: Nobody Cares. | Ty Tass, Federal Unfair Practices Committee | 9 |
| Most USG Funds to Dorm Reps Still Unused | Matt Greenfield | 15 |
| Alcohol and Reading Days: A Special Report | Peter Nalepa | 15 |
| Center for Institutional Research prepares for university re-accreditation evaluation | Samuel Rivier | 15 |
| Semester Grades | The Registrar | 19 |
| Sex and Dating | Ares, God of War | 20 |
| OMG I hate nerds | Kim Janson, Contributing Columnist | 26 |
| Observer Cancelled; Obvious Not So Hard to Deal With | Chase Sticky | 27 |
| Krauss Calls for Vote of No Confidence in God | Steven Tecedy | 27 |
| No Confidence Vote Spurs other Significant Vote | James Stafford | 27 |
| President Hundert Resigns Due To Illegal War, Torture | Averi Rims | 27 |
| Faith In The Classroom: Will The Fittest Values Survive? | Draque | 27 |
| Case Center for Women Changes Focus/Improves Facilities | Lenin In Squad | 27 |
| Lack Of "Intelligence" In Case Class "Design" | Lenin In Squad | 27 |
| You Can't Have 'Convervative' without CASE | Chase Sticky | 27 |
| SAGES Blows; University Raises Tuition | Asta Gerbec | 27 |
| Taste of Cleveland | Hank Lilac-Can | 27 |
| Four Random Films, Reviewed with Care | Sam Rivier | 27 |
| Comics Turn You Gay? | Draque | 27 |
| Ultimate Frisbee: Not a Sport, Stupid As Hell | Phillip Seitzer | 27 |
| Highland Games Come to Case | Christopher Williams | 27 |
| An Event Occurred, Stuff Happened, and People Came | Enormatron | 33 |
| Case Buys Bahamas With Student Tuition, Relocates Administration | Morjid Staff | 33 |
| The Master Plan, Part 2 | Sawmill 1 | 33 |
| Planning Far, Far Ahead is a Rational Idea! | Enormatron | 33 |
| Record Rainfall | Mit Ken Zest | 33 |
| Athenian Tries to Ridicule Eastwood, Has Difficulty | Morjid Staff | 33 |
| It's time for change | Frank Lee Moronique | 33 |
| Spartans Score Near-Win at Thermopylae | Mit Ken Zest | 33 |
| Case Students Could Care Less About Sports, Survey Shows | Steven Tecedy | 33 |
| Case Student Disappointed with His Facebook Friends' Loyalty | Yorrick Atlas | 37 |
| Tuition Costs Force Students into New Employment | John Wesley | 37 |
| Case Administration Reveals Perpetual Immobility Machine | Eduardo Hunderto | 37 |
| Case Study Reveals Too Much Alcohol Can Make You Drunk | Kaylee Bright | 37 |
| University Forms Committee to Control Number of Active Committees | Student 2134823 | 37 |
| Student Peer-Pressured Into Not Smoking | Richard Astley | 37 |
| iPods are a right, not a privilege | Hilary Banes Lieberman-Nader | 37 |
| Everything is a Privilege, not a Right | A Wandering Fool | 37 |
| Top 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Reasons Why College Stuff Matters | BK Skinner | 37 |
| Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here | Erectios, the Love God | 37 |
| World Ideologies Exposed! (Now With Cows) | Helos, The Sun | 37 |
| CWRU Makes Huge Jump in Princeton Review Poll | Rick James | 37 |
| I Hope You Get Skin Cancer | Your Grandmother | 38 |
| CWRU Spends More Money on Ugly Statues | Nealan C. Pottermuffin | 38 |
| Señor It is discovered To Be Illegal Immigrant | Clifton H. Pendergast IV | 38 |
| Case's Campus Revitalization Initiative (Cah-Creee) | Gustav Von Taintelhoompen | 38 |
| David Torah Comes Out Religiously | Clifton H. Pendergast IV | 38 |
| Case Begins New Work Study Program, Creates More Jobs? | Aloysius Syzmanski | 38 |
| A Zoological Guide to Campus Wildlife | Quentin Gruber | 38 |
| New Vice President for Planning and Budget Named | Spalding Cservik | 38 |
| How not to get sCWRUd Sex $ Dating (yes, the $ is intentional) | Kali, Goddess of Destruction | 39 |
| Athenian Shockingly Follows Through on Promise of Money for Articles | Flash Pidgin | 39 |
| Cleveland Unveils New Plans for Euclid | F.C. Pottermuffin | 40 |
| How not to get sCWRUd Sex $ Dating (yes, the $ is intentional) | Kali, Goddess of Destruction | 40 |
| She is Going to Court | P. Flyer | 40 |
| She Surprises Everyone; Market Suffers | P. Flyer | 41 |
| Campus Obesity Problem Identified; Brillian Solutions Suggested | P. Flyer | 43 |
| Murder Mystery Remains Unsolved; Several Suspects Targeted | Parker Hasbro | 43 |
| USG To Demand Grading System Be Changed to Gold Stars | Bruce Ciccone | 43 |
| Springfest To Be Held in the Imagination of a Small Child | John Haug | 43 |
| CWRU Engineering & Science Reivew To Have Nude Centerfold | Jason Hartwig | 43 |
| Incoming Freshmen To Be Administered Voight-Kampff Tests | Thomas Long | 43 |
| Cleveland Museum of Art Ransacked; Paintings Replaced With Exact Replicas; Philosophers Consulted As to Whether It Really Even Matters After All | Jack Mashburn | 43 |
| FML - Case Western Reserve Edition | P. Flyer | 43 |
| Leave Me Alone, Dammit!!! | Bugg Samuelson | 43 |
| Top 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Reasibs That Ted Danson is Awesome | Fabian Plotnick | 43 |
| Movie Review: Back to the Future V | Kari Thompson | 43 |
| Summer Fashion Review | AJGuy | 43 |
| CWRU Limbo Team Looking To Win National Title | Jeremy Mount | 43 |
| Case Western Softball Team Slips Past Brandeis, 39-2 | Mike Howard | 43 |
| XTreme Inc.'s "Debilitatior" Diet Pills: The Proof | Gertrude Winkerstein | 45 |
| Sex and Dating | Maggie the Maenad | 46 |
| All the Private Conversation Outside My Door | Brett Veon | 46 |
| Google to Release GoogleFinch Soon | Roy Visage | 46 |
| The REALISTIC Five-Year Plan | SusieAnn Genesis Entrance-Sistine | 46 |
| I don't deserve to be treated like a thief just because I am one | Fast Hands Magoo | 47 |
| Land pirates make booty call at Crawford Hall; cupcakes looted | Ted Knight | 49 |
| Teddy bear given preference over student in room selection process | Oddibe McDowell | 49 |
| Maguire to Add Peanut Gallery | Felix Unger | 49 |
| Couric's Commencement Address to contain humor, bone-chilling revalations | Mike Garcia | 49 |
| Michelson-Morley Building found to be hiding world treasures | Orel Hershiser | 49 |
| Quiznos closes amidst scandal, mysterious death, and cries of foul play | Quentin Noscup | 49 |
| Student body now ignoring Brian Saxeingen | Gene Bearden | 49 |
| University Cracks Down on Hub Users | Jack Tripper | 49 |
| Student Health Service Says Headbanging Good Stress Relief | David Puddy | 49 |
| UPB to postpone several events next year | TXT-9000 | 49 |
| Comic outsources to well-regarded internet fad amidst terrible dearth of comedy on campus | Millard Fillmore | 49 |
| Student Activity Fee reallocated again; now every student gets a Pomeranian | Shep Proudfood | 49 |
| Springfest headliners forced to cancel; Case Western Reserve University President Snyder requests GWAR as replacement | Kimmy Gibler | 49 |
| The Art of Class: Notes From a Qualified Source | B.D. Grill | 49 |
| ONE LAST TIME: Nothing good can stay: DC++ network shut down, thousands weep in mourning of its loss | Bennett Brower | 49 |
| Tiger Woods caught in love tryst with chipmunk | Jack Parkman | 49 |
| CWRU launches full-contact curling team, hopes to find willing victims for season | Sponge Harris | 49 |
| World Athletic Competition Wrap-up: Sumo Curling Results | Dick Schaap | 49 |
| Epic Battle Between Case Tae Kwon Do and Case Kung Fu Concludes; No Winner Named | Howard Cosell | 49 |
| No matter where I go, my stupid nicknames follow | Tom "Tommy Gun" Eldritch | 50 |
| A Zombie Weighs in on HVZ | Joe "Chompy" Wilson | 52 |
| Nobody gives me the respect I deserve anymore | Zeus, king of the gods | 53 |
| College students go "loko" after months of rationing favorite beverage | Stan Deidmann | 55 |
| Professor's senility mistaken for class on Dadaism, students shocked | Dan Steitmann | 55 |
| Cedar College to be revamped, "arts" appellation on the way out | Mann Standan | 55 |
| CWRU, Bon Apetite spar over CBA - lockout appears imminent | Jeb Cutter | 55 |
| Campus Reproductivity Supression Field Generator turned off - entire campus gets laid | Gorden Freedmen | 55 |
| CWRU Study Confirms Man - Made Lining of Furry Hoodies is Literally Made from Men | Harold Green | 55 |
| Giant robots to take over as centerpoint of Japanese relief effort | Tuu Suun | 55 |
| Athenian member farts during meeting - tries to pass off as carpet squeek | Jim Slick | 55 |
| Generations of wealthy children protest in nation's capital | Robert Wriles | 55 |
| Mubarak and Quaddafi switch places, hope no one notices. | Dan Isley | 55 |
| Words of advice from Thigh Mega Tampon | Heidi Horner | 55 |
| Uninteresting love interests: Hollywood's formulaic females and the men who love them | Marley's Ghost | 55 |
| My Journey to White Castle: why NOT to walk around East Cleveland at 1 AM | Chris Ciegas | 55 |
| Meditations from a man on the inside | Trevor "The Louse" Sponagle | 55 |
| New Ipad 3 released, renders all past Apple technology obsolete, exponential increase in smug | Susan Bleuth | 55 |
| Skin-tight fashion tips for the new season | Rita Skeeter | 55 |
| Review of, you know, this bar or something | Brycs Janson | 55 |
| Paneastles' to hit Spot - bring your mystery beer dollars, people! | Erik Nominal | 55 |
| HvC becomes BvC in twist of popular game | Steven Arcs | 55 |
| Alpha & Omega - If you didn't heat about it, don't even bother. | Nell Barker | 55 |
| Case's MFA Theater Program Full of Fancy-Footed Lady-Men | Jim Redds | 55 |
| Case Students are Tops at Finding More Inefficient Means of Travel than Walking | Bill Shooze | 55 |
| Unicycle Hockey team takes first at Knut Tournament over spring break | Dick Schaap | 55 |
| Champion chessboker brings trophy back to CWRU from weekend tournament | Pat Reiche | 55 |
| LFL player suspended for wearing pants | Clark Stanwick | 55 |
| NHL addresses cranial trauma with new equipment - players to wrap heads around it | Cappy Crane | 55 |
| MLB fans look forward to end of rigorous spring training regimen | Jack Whacker | 55 |
| Spartans swim to 3rd place at Snack Pack classis | Chip Connor | 55 |
| Administration and Greek Life team up for Badass Campus Improvement Project | Jane Foster | 60 |
| Ron Paul drops out, publicly endorses KONY 2012 | The Winner | 60 |
| Tensions grew in the Middle East today, as new rumors surfaced about a possible Israeli tickle attack on Iran | Crackhead Bob | 60 |
| A conversation with... President Barbara Snyder | Captain Athenian | 60 |
| Outside the Circle News | Creeper Fred | 60 |
| Case by Case | Wonder Woman | 60 |
| The Cabin in the Woods actually completely ridiculous | Captain Athenian | 60 |
| Real Social Lives: Welcome to the Greek | Jane Austen | 60 |
| Dating and Sexing | Jameslove PhD | 60 |
| Justin Bieber to Launch Hip Hop Career | Miss Justin Bieber | 60 |
| Apologies to your mother (and to you?) | John Smith (the 2nd) | 60 |
| EA Sports Titles to Add Rioting, Streaking, Other Features to Attract New Players | Brew Drees | 60 |
| The beginner's guide to March Madness | Dick Vitale | 60 |
| FBI probes match-fixing scandal for Case intramural basketball tournament | jeBron Lames | 60 |
| Hunting Lincoln's Ghost: The Official Senior Project | Bear Nougat | 61 |
| Cthulu Found Vacationing in Lake Erie, Beings Clean-Up Campaign | Fred J. McGillicutty | 62 |
| Mr. Bro Universe Pageant An "Astounding Success" | Louis Cypher | 62 |
| The Bums to Play at the Spot | Grover Marcata | 62 |
| Case Center For Inquiry and Campus Crusade for Christ Declare War | C. Wright | 62 |
| 1 Student Dead, 2 Injured After Attempt to Dance in Thwing Ballroom | Sean "Booger" Harkinson | 62 |
| Area Man Fights Punching Bag, Loses | Fred J. McGillicutty | 62 |
| Iran's Drone Revealed to be Low-Budget Crap | Robin Banks | 62 |
| 2012's Vacation Hot Spots | the Vacation Guru | 62 |
| Obama Announces Plans to Ban Straight Marriage | Louis Cypher | 62 |
| BMEs complete annual major changing ceremony | Don Key | 63 |
| Case Model UN's peacekeeping committee learns the meaning of irony | Steve "Klondike" Barr | 63 |
| Case institutes new anti-crime policy that gets everything out in the open | E. Cole Ayi | 63 |
| New bike program to save millions of microseconds in commute | Fred J. McGillicutty | 63 |
| New Arizona contraception bill gives birth to new controversy | Bob Khatz | 63 |
| Ryan and Akin announce union, declare "No Homo" | Grover D. Rover | 63 |
| Recent polls show empty chair continues to gain in swing states | Dusty Rhodes | 63 |
| No adorable things are safe from Romney's | Tiffany Truffles | 63 |
| Leaders of radical Libyan militia confused by attack on headquarters | E. Cole Ayi | 63 |
| More scandalous photos of the Royal Family found | Mary Jane Watson | 63 |
| World of Warcraft Senate Candidate Fires Back. LITERALLY. | Satin Palin the first | 64 |
| Conservative Families Support "End of PBS," Poll Shows | F. Scott Fitzgerald | 64 |
| As Election Day Nears, Mitt "Two Face" Romney Forgoes All Semblance of Honesty in Order to Appeal to Voters | Hunter S. Thompson | 64 |
| Reality Check: Darth Obama, Lord of the Sith | James Cole | 64 |
| Congress Passes "Fedora License" Law; Case Students Riot | Arthur Conan Doyle | 64 |
| Constitution Party drops current candidate, endorses Basil Marceaux | the Joker | 64 |
| Candidates get down and dirty - grammatically | Olivia Davis | 64 |
| The Athenian proposes National Inappropriate Laughter Day | Martha Keith | 65 |
| Archeologist Suggests Mayans Just Planned Big Surprise Party | Gulliver | 65 |
| New research suggests that those pants do make you look fat | The Reporter | 65 |
| A Remembrance of Things Past | Bradley Ricca | 65 |
| The Athenian's guide to improving your performance in the classroom | Oliver Grant | 65 |
| Fox News is a (Practical) Joke | Chuck E. Cheese | 65 |
| Places To See (Enough of to Leave) Before You Die | Anthony Hopkins | 66 |
| My experiences in a beautiful Yellowstone | the girl next door | 66 |
| Riding the rails to beat the pump | The Milk Man | 66 |
| Upcoming playoffs - Browns vs. puppies | a Vegas bookie | 66 |
| It's a rap: how America's rappers spent the off season | Garth Brooks | 66 |
| THe Lord of the Rings may be hazardous to your health | Alicia Keys | 66 |
| A student homesick - for Case? | Hugh Laurie | 66 |
| The 7 Degrees | Dr. Gambit | 66 |
| Case wind turbine sad with no people to wave to | Charles F. Brush | 66 |
| Seven ways to stay alive in the post-apocalypse | Dr. Jekyll | 67 |
| Brains: the answer to life, the universe, & everything | Mr. Chuckles | 67 |
| The Zuper Bowl VI - the play by play | Mariah Dornberger | 67 |
| Down and dirty with zombie fashion | Hallie Dolin | 67 |
| The pick two deal of the college experience | Jon C | 67 |
| The Athenian names its five best games of 2012 | Leon Trotsky | 67 |
| No laughter in L.O.L. as new craze sweeps undergraduates | Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle | 67 |
| Drunken Advice 2013 | Ivan Tadrinkow | 68 |
| Barbara Snyder sells CWRU to foreign investors | Nick Pilla | 68 |
| Is it true? Do professors drink too? | River Tam | 68 |
| Midterm study drinking games: how to feel productive when you're absolutely not | Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle | 68 |
| Wacky, weird, & crazy foods | Jon Chan | 68 |
| Then Athenian's guide to March Madness | Evan Martin | 68 |
| The foods that are best coming up, the second time around | Mo Joe | 68 |
| The dark side of dressage: are Europeans eating Rafalca? | Alex Aloi | 68 |
| Case alumnus victim of world's worst food disaster | Hallie Dolin | 68 |
| Leutner & wine combinations (that you should definitely try) | Mr. Chuckles | 68 |
| Cleveland Indians sign Backyard Baseball character for four years, $50 million | Nick Pilla | 68 |
| No-Contact boxing league launched | Mr. Chuckles | 68 |
| Students fight for new honors fraternity ΣEX on campus | Otter Diggs | 69 |
| Over the Rainbow: an inside look | Mo Jo | 69 |
| Professor Bradley Ricca announced Man of the Year by Athenian staff | Mike McKenna | 69 |
| Dancing the dirty tango | The Ginger Critic | 69 |
| To the lover: a handbook to sleeping with a thespian | Drama Guru | 69 |
| The Athenian's App of the Month: Harem Periods Tracker | Yigit | 69 |
| Album of the month | Tom Roberts | 69 |
| Sex & Dating | Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle | 69 |
| Oscar sweeps: CWRU kids rioting | Hallie Dolin | 69 |
| Game review of the month: Kerbal Space Program | Mr. Kerballer | 69 |
| Restaurant review: Bazonga's Eatery | Mr. Chuckles | 69 |
| The Athenian's playlist of the month | Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle | 69 |
| A note from an athlete | Damsel Kate | 69 |
| Football teams find new use for Cosmopolitan | River Tam | 69 |
| Competitive Testing League arrives on CWRU campus | Jon Chan | 69 |
| CWRU to host 2015 Quidditch World Cup | Hallie Dolin | 69 |
| The comprehensive 2013 Indians preview | Robin Hood | 69 |
| East Cleveland joins in on campus Humans vs. Zombies game | Rowan Wilde | 70 |
| Wormhole scare at Peter B. Lewis draws police, astrophysics experts | Winchester Mac Cionaodha | 70 |
| The Science of Scary Movies | Evan Martin | 70 |
| Wax museums nationwide hit by worst heat wave in history; profits melt | Hallie Dolin | 70 |
| The Real Disney Horror | Josephs E. Tinnertink McDuffle | 70 |
| The tables have turned; Grab-It grabs YOU | Mugwump McMillionaire | 70 |
| A new kind of horror book in CWRU bookshelves | SIerra Blanton | 70 |
| Robin Thicke inducted into ROck and Roll Hall of Fame | Bill Lohny | 70 |
| The Japanese Horror Tale | Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara | 70 |
| Unseasonable weather causes "worst student-led battle in history" | Hallie Dolin | 70 |
| The plot to destroy Wikipedia | Anastazia Vanisko | 70 |
| Professor mistaken for ghost, killed by wannabe Ghostbusters | Winchester Mac Cionaodha | 70 |
| BREAKING NEWS: Straight A student crushed between library stacks | Ellie Rambo | 70 |
| Sheep Marketplace: The New World of Drugs | River Tam | 71 |
| Chick-Fil-A and Barilla form discrimination federation | Ellie Rambo | 71 |
| Michael Vick in hot water again due to shopper fighting ring allegation | Winchester Mac Cionaoith | 71 |
| How will CWRU celebrate Cyber Monday? | Sarah Whelan | 71 |
| How to prepare for Black Friday | Kushagra Gupta | 71 |
| Redefining why we give thanks | Kayla DeVault | 71 |
| The Johnson Family's Black Friday Vacation | Alex Aloi | 71 |
| Black Friday to combine with the black market due to governmental PR campaign | Hallie Dolin | 71 |
| Celebrity Voices: Rebecca Black Friday | Tejas Joshi | 71 |
| Mufasa dies in stampede of Black Friday shoppers; Simba grieves | Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle | 71 |
| Fanatics against Black Friday | Anastazia Vanisko | 71 |
| CWRU tuition funding faculty Thanksgiving dinner | River Tam | 71 |
| Price Slasher remains at large | Tejas Joshi | 71 |
| Industry giant promises to revolutionize gaming world | Sarah Whelan | 72 |
| George Bush III to join Lunar Orbita Guard; public opinions mixed | Hallie Dolin | 72 |
| Shortage of spoons due to World War V | Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle | 72 |
| Ewoks: the new warm fuzzy feeling that everyone wants | Anastazia Vanisko | 72 |
| The Room named greatest movie of last thousand years | Emil Hufflenutz | 72 |
| The Legacy of The Tale of Genji | Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara | 72 |
| Your guide to getting busy on Mars | Swisgar Wartooth, the Love Doctor | 72 |
| Google SmartCar crashes; Experts say Google Glass to blame | Bill Lohny | 72 |
| Apple and Samsung escalate conflict | Kyle Berkowitz | 72 |
| Lunar Bay - The New Gitmo | River Tam | 72 |
| An early winter science roundup | Evan Martin | 72 |
| Tinkham Veale Center lifts off | John Rambo | 72 |
| Fears come true: Man marries cat in elaborate ceremony | Littelfot Brontasor | 72 |
| Cleveland's Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) isn't so contemporary anymore | Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle | 72 |
| My house and my family and my dog, | Billy Wenderson | 72 |
| Phallus in Blue, | Rick Homer | 72 |
| Empty Room, | Bob Thime | 72 |
| Jack Daniels breaks up with Coke | Doug Oswald | 73 |
| Canada readying to politely leave the continent; USA dismisses any concerns | Sarah Whelan | 73 |
| When Life Gives You Eggs | Kayla DeVault | 73 |
| One Direction gone: Mass panic ensues | Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle | 73 |
| Texsa is fainlly done | Anastazia Vanisko | 73 |
| Earing the title of "Worst Date Ever" | Kyle Berkowitz | 73 |
| A college breakup: Why it was never meant to be | John Rambo | 73 |
| Werewolves, vampires and angels collide | River Tam | 73 |
| HIMYM's Ted and Whatsherface heading towards a divorce | Julia Bianco | 73 |
| Jealousy: Turning saints into the sea | Marisa Neel | 73 |
| Olympian Olympics | Anastazia Vanisko | 74 |
| The Seven Days of Creation | Charlie Topel | 74 |
| Norse religious groups increase due to "Thor" | Marisa Neel | 74 |
| CWRU president makes supernatural deal, unleashes demonic weather | Hallie Dolin | 74 |
| The beginning of it All | Evan Martin | 74 |
| Princess Pizza and the power of rap | Julia Bianco | 74 |
| Goldey Fries and the three ice creams | Sarah Whelan | 74 |
| Deities destroy CWRU Theology 101 | Kayla Devault | 74 |
| Essential Advice for Freshmen | Anastazia Vanisko | 75.5 |
| Summer's Reality TV Hits | Julia Bianco | 75.5 |
| Modern Art | Tejas Joshi | 75.5 |
| Working at a Summer Camp | Sabanrab Nannerb | 75.5 |
| CWRU Vigilante Vows To Locate New Campus Building | Kushagra Gupta | 75.5 |
| Welcome to Indie Nation | Marisa Neel | 75.5 |
| Matthew West Produces Top Christian Hit 'Do Something'; Proceeds to do Nothing | Kayla Devault | 75.5 |
| An Open Letter to Lebron James: Quit Playing With my Heart | Winchester Mac Cionaodha | 75.5 |
| Summer Suxxx | Charlie Topel | 75.5 |
| A Summer Wish List AKA New Year's Resolutions Part 2 | Sarah Whelan | 75.5 |
| How to be Funny | Marisa Neel | 75.5 |
| Next great American novel told through Snapchats | Josephus E. T. McDuffle | 75 |
| Paranormal Greek Week continues | Michaela Epperson | 75 |
| A novel medicinal use for marijuana: the start of a new age | Tejas Joshi | 75 |
| Sterwart, Shatner hired as collective new face of legalized marijuana | Hallie Dolin | 75 |
| New USG initiatives very popular among students | Anastazia Vanisko | 75 |
| The art of "Getting Jolly" | Mel Sayre | 75 |
| Cleveland Bucket List | Kara Guyer | 75 |
| The Promise Land of CWRU Restaurants | Grace Gunderman | 75 |
| Interview with Lindsay: What to do while stoned | Marisa Neel | 75 |
| Advice: care less, smoke more | Evan Martin | 75 |
| Bring on 2014: A guide to being different | Kayla DeVault | 75 |
| The Japanese on April Fool's Day | Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara | 75 |
| Unpopular opinion: Marijuana killz | Charlie Topel | 75 |
| Ten thinks to do with your rock collection | Eleanor Rambo | 75 |
| REPORT: Former Brown's owner admits to being "high" during management decisions, sold team to pothead Jimmy Haslam | Release Winchester MacCionaodh, Former Ceveland Brown's owner | 75 |
| Athletic students give new meaning to "Rock-Hard" | River Tam | 75 |
| Nerd version of Fight Club to hold Stoning Festival | Polly Ethyl Ian | 75 |
| Cops Versus Druggies: A new game to improve campus spirit | Connie Huang | 75 |
| Fashion Trends of Summer 2014 | Marisa Neel | 76 |
| Study Tips...for Exams | Sarah Whelan | 76 |
| What can brown do for you? | Evan Martin | 76 |
| Cleveland condemned...maybe | Anastazia Vanisko | 76 |
| Predicting the ultimate, and grisly, outcomes of "Game of Thrones" | Hallie Dolin | 76 |
| Politicians start their children on the campaign trail early | Julia Bianco | 76 |
| Phoenix wings: Cheap, tasty and everlasting | Anastazia Vanisko | 76 |
| Study finds many birds lack regeneration genes | Tejas Joshi | 76 |
| Belize it or not | Kayla DeVault | 76 |
| It's got sass, class and a lot of glass - welcome to the new TV Center | Greg Ritchey | 76 |
| Thwing Center will become new zombie apocolypse shelter | Adithi Iyengar | 76 |
| Student with last name 'Z' submits SAGES writing portfolio as commencement begins, when it reaches him, it's done | Kayla Devault | 76 |
| An overview of CWRU's greatest scandals...in the 2013-2014 academic year | Hallie Dolin | 76 |
| Barbara Snyder gives familiar commencement speech; inquiries made | John Rambo | 76 |
| Students Respond to Parking Issues | Sabanrab Bocaj | 77 |
| Security Presence on Campus Increased Following Recent Incidents | Raff Steporter | 77 |
| Five Reasons to Change the Spartan to a Cat | Julia Bianco | 77 |
| Restaurant Review: A New Local Favorite | Anton Ego | 77 |
| The Freshman Fifteen | Jessica Chalas | 77 |
| Majority of Americans choose career path based on required college courses | Tejas Joshi | 77 |
| 5 Ways to know Halloween is Coming | Anne Nickoloff | 77 |
| How the Elephant Stairs Got Their Name | Kushagra Gupta | 77 |
| Bon Appetit Renames Dining Halls to Remain Hip, Happening | Winchester Mac Cionaoith | 77 |
| 10 Big Decisions for Freshmen | Paul Palumbo | 77 |
| Lebron: I'm glad you're back, but it'll take time for our relationship to heal | Winchester Mac Cionaoith | 77 |
| Nerdy Party Gone Wrong: CWRU Nerds Finally Go Crazy | Anastazia Vanisko | 77 |
| TVUC and Veale Center fight over name Veale: New Student Group Battle for Name Rights | Paul Palumbo | 77 |
| United States National Debt Solved by Selling Textbooks | Meg Griffin | 77 |
| XXX Family Presents: 13 Days of Hallowpeen | Julia Bianco | 77 |
| Big Expectations - From a Freshman's Perspective | Greg Ritchey | 77 |
| Big Let Downs - From a Sophomore's Perspective | Disappointed Student | 77 |
| Memories of the 90's | Sabanrab Bocaj | 78 |
| Lost CWRU Traditions | Barnabas Brennan | 78 |
| Quotes From a Grandpa | Julia Bianco | 78 |
| Back in the Year 2014 | Jessica Chalas | 78 |
| The Athenian's Tips for Aging Gracefully | Cloe de Plume | 78 |
| Alien Invaders Unable to Understant Tinkham Veale's Interactive Screen | Adithi Iyengar | 78 |
| KSL Exhibit CWRU Life in the Past: The Horse-Drawn Healthline | Canderson Ooper | 78 |
| A Taste of TVUC: Restaurant Review | Anton Ego | 78 |
| How To Tell You're Getting Older | Mahima Devarajan | 78 |
| Area Student Slowly Realizing Quarter-Zip is Not Warm Enough for Cleveland Autumn | Canderson Ooper | 78 |
| The Pipers' Greatest Win: Remembering Cleveland Sports Heyday | JP O'Hagan | 78 |
| A Building Not to Be Forgotten | Nardine Taleb | 78 |
| Modern Fire Codes Prevent Art From Catching Fire When Searching For Meaning | Kushagra Gupta | 78 |
| SAGES: It Just Keeps Getting Better | Anastazia Vanisko | 78 |
| A Scary Story | Greg Ritchey | 78 |
| Gray vs. Gray | Jessica Chalas | 79.5 |
| Cleveland Weather gets to Area man; joints fight club to "feel something" | Sally Hansen | 79.5 |
| Things You Should Know | Martha Stewart | 79.5 |
| Gray: Why people should warn you if it's on your face | Kushagra Gupta | 79.5 |
| 2014 End of Year Political Review | Sabanrab Bocaj | 79.5 |
| Sneak Peak: The Athenian's "50 Shades of Grey" Review | Kara Guyer | 79.5 |
| Which elite, jet-setting billionaire business mogul are you most like? | Quizfeed Staff | 79.5 |
| Waking Up Colorblind | Anastazia Vanisko | 79.5 |
| Simply Suzan: The Advice Column | Scott | 79.5 |
| Freshman Goes Crazy Over Snow: Excitement Lasts One Minute | Anastazia Vanisko | 79 |
| App Automatically Presses Snooze Button: Revolutionary New Alarm Clock That Understands College Life | Julia Bianco | 79 |
| Tips to Avoid Doing Homework | Jessica Chalas | 79 |
| Vicious Cycle of Laziness | Jessica Chalas | 79 |
| Basicness Infects CWRU | Sally Mayfield | 79 |
| 2016 Presidential Elections: Looking Forward | Sabanrab Bocaj | 79 |
| Netflix Users Too Lazy to Click to Next Episode | Julia Bianco | 79 |
| XXX Family Presents The 25 Days of Dick-mas | Julia Bianco | 79 |
| Area Student Realizes He Doesn't Know Family Well Enough to Buy Them Heartwarming Christmas Presents | Canderson Ooper | 79 |
| When Laziness Overcomes Cheapness... | Anastazia Vanisko | 79 |
| Heated Vents New Hot Spot on Campus | Paul Palumbo | 79 |
| Lazy Song Parody | Nardine Taleb and Fatimah Abouelsoud | 79 |
| A Message From Your Friendly Neighborhood Food Deliverer | Paul Palumbo | 79 |
| Traffic Advisory | Bertrand Kelekolio | 79 |
| tl;dr | Anne Nickoloff | 79 |
| Muppet Elected to House or Representatives | Sabanrab Nannerb | 80 |
| Mood Ring Deception | Kushagra Gupta | 80 |
| Ice cream machine dispenses horrifyingly unexpected contents | Tejas Joshi | 80 |
| Retired Crayola Colors | Percy "Bitch" Shelley | 80 |
| New Case Crayola Colors | Paul Palumbo | 80 |
| Area student has yet to attend a class this semester | Canderson Ooper | 80 |
| Legendary Rainbow Sparks Legendary Search | Paul Palumbo | 80 |
| MCAT 2015 to Include Law, Aerospace Engineering | Farah Rahman | 80 |
| DMHO KILLS: Substance Causes Millions of Deaths | Dr. Leo Spaceman | 80 |
| Play Hard: Party Harder: Hotshot Quarterback Johnny Manziel Crashes CWRU Party Scene | Aaron Shang | 80 |
| 5 Colorful Themes That Will Make Your Prom a Hit | Anastazia Vanisko | 80 |
| Spring Fashion Adivce | Jessica Chalas | 80 |
| Buzzquiz: What's your color? | Percy "Bitch" Shelley | 80 |
| Campus Closure Mad Libs | Chrismaly Vidal | 80 |
| The Athenian's Honorable Mentions: Ideas that didn't quite make the cut | Anne Nickoloff, Editor-in-Chief | 80 |
| Lake Erie turned green after Chicago St. Patrick's Day parade gone wrong | Canderson Ooper | 80 |
| Anti-Jokes | Julia Bianco | 80 |
| Why'd I Ever Choose Case | Jessica Chalas | 80 |
| Horri... ahem... Awesome Puns | Fia | 80 |
| Campus letters defecated on; Satan worshipped | Bluffy Dumbers | 81 |
| Cleveland named number one consumer of orange cones | Julia Bianco | 81 |
| CWRU to remove all grass from campus; build more residence halls | Kushagra Gupta | 81 |
| How to live on $5 a week | Jessica Chalas | 81 |
| Spotlight on Research: The Wheel | Farah Rahman | 81 |
| Area asshole sinks CWRU's chances at reaccreditation, causes students to lose financial aid | Canderson Ooper | 81 |
| Time capsule unearthed: Contents include drugs and 60s technology | Anastazia Vanisko | 81 |
| Overwhelming number of candidates in USG elections leads to three medical emergencies | Julia Bianco | 81 |
| McDonalds to open on CWRU campus | Sarah Whelan | 81 |
| Area man obsessed with Dick's | Max Johnson | 81 |
| The Daily writers drop off the face of the earth | Anastazia Vanisko | 81 |
| Dear editor, Grievances for this issue of "The Observer" | Jenny Lin | 81 |
| University Media Board: Ideas that could change the world - If anyone let them | Adithi Iyengar | 81 |
| My very lazy Yik Yak opinions column | Julia Bianco | 81 |
| Care about these profound truths | Rachel Payne | 81 |
| Some white lies to sell the grey and blue | Rachel Payne | 81 |
| Spartan Spotlight: CWRU Junior, Martin Egbert | Mel Sayre | 81 |
| The Athenian's honorable mentions: Ideas that didn't quite make the cut | Annie Nickoloff, Director of Cuts | 81 |
| Playlist of the Week: American Edition | Anne Nickoloff | 81 |
| Eldred Theater presents "Seinfeld the Play: A Show about Nothing" | Al Sononas | 81 |
| Classic reviews: "Star Wars IV: A New Hope" | Paul Palumbo | 81 |
| Spartans take the win in alternative sports | Sabanrab Bocaj | 81 |
| Dog draws dozens to CWRU football field | Paul Palumbo | 81 |
| Spy Kids 3D: Game Over... in 2D | Carmen Elizabeth Juanita Echo Sky Brava Cortez | 82 |
| CWRU shines at talent show | Bluffy Dumbers | 82 |
| Summer Fashion Tips | Anastazia Vanisko | 82 |
| Top 10 places to live off campus | Barnabas Brennan | 82 |
| Clevelad to Host Olympics | Kameron Moon | 82 |
| Grab-it delivers | Riddhi Patel | 82 |
| Embarriassng phases all 20-year-olds went through | Jessica Chalas | 82 |
| Student and water bottle vanish | Anastazia Vanisko | 82 |
| Allergy-Conscious Food Options | David Pendergast | 82 |
| RHA Newsletter Madlib | x Ellango | 82 |
| The 6 worst internships | Tejas Joshi | 82 |
| Clarke Tower elevator replaced with the one from "Willy Wonka" | Azure Khun | 82 |
| Back from the depths: University considers releasing lagoon monster to fight crime | Jimmy Matthiesen | 82 |
| 2 future 4 u: "Back to the Future Part II" got it WRONG | Anne Nickoloff | 82 |
| Guess the butt: Superhero edition | Anne Nickoloff | 82 |
| Athenian Classifieds: Free & For Sale Page | Paul Palumbo | 82 |
| Area Student found preserved under snow | Farah Rahman | 82 |
| Teachers who help students | Sabanrab Bocaj | 82 |
| Demonic design in dorm demonstrates danger | Paul Palumbo | 82 |
| Man receives email from Nigeran prince, turns out to be real | Sabanrab Bocaj | 83 |
| Shiz freshmen say | Jessica Chalas | 83 |
| Netflix withdrawal Disorder a serious issue for returning students | Julia Bianco | 83 |
| Returning student claims again, "This will be the year!" | Marissa Neel, part-time UFO gazer and Roomba Enthusiast | 83 |
| Local man mistakes barista for someone who gives a damn | Sam Musilli | 83 |
| Examining CWRU's tuition spending | Tejas Joshi, Award-winning statisticial and clam-breeder | 83 |
| New names for Cleveland Indians leaked | Mike McKenna | 83 |
| Welcome, Freshmen! | Riddhi Patel | 83 |
| Local area man hasn't looked up what Benghazi is yet, not about to start now | Tejas Joshi, Journalist (rated 4 stars on Yelp) | 83 |
| An Open Letter Considering Pluto | Farah Rahman | 83 |
| How to be funny | Lindsey Jacobs, Part-time McDonald's employee | 83 |
| Disney princesses reimagined as exactly the way they were in the movie they first appeared in | Julia Bianco | 84 |
| Google Incognito Man Harasses CWRU Students | Oksinav Aizatsana | 84 |
| All the Entrances to Strosacker ... Ranked! | Tejas Joshi | 84 |
| Dooby Zoo and the gang solve a myster! | Tim Travitz | 84 |
| Illuminati sightings on campus | Sabanrab Bocaj | 84 |
| Area man accidentally shows up to Oktoberfest dressed up as Nazi | Sabanrab Nannerb | 84 |
| Controversial "Blue's Clues" episode receives mixed response from fans | David Pendergast | 84 |
| A study in calculus: Sherlock deductions aid students | Stephen Kerby | 84 |
| CWRU students unable to understand class | Michael Codega | 84 |
| Analysis of Robert Zimmerman's "Blowin' in the Wind" | Raff Steporter | 84 |
| Quiz: Which political candidate are you? | Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley | 84 |
| Top 4 Hillary Clinton scandals | National Inquirer | 84 |
| Review of German 101 | JP Peralta | 84 |
| Mystery message in shadow of statue out front of the Jolly Scholar | Caleb Diaz | 84 |
| Mystery mad lib: Case #84, Disappearing and appearing items | Jessica Chalas | 84 |
| Athenian classifieds | Daniel Mottern | 84 |
| Big foot found on campus | Adithi Iyengar | 84 |
| Blacklight reveals CWRU's dirty secrets | Riddhi Patel | 84 |
| Jack the Ripper found: turns out to be misunderstood Jack the Rapper | Paul Palumbo | 84 |
| Americans proudly defend 22nd amendment | Tejas Joshi | 85 |
| The World project shows that hard work and perseverance pays off | Caleb Diaz | 85 |
| Socialite shocked by realities of college life | Steve Kerby | 85 |
| An in-depth look at the best fashion trends with the similarities and differences of | Letty Dornfeld | 85 |
| Denny's quarterly earnings report: New changes introduced | Adam Erlichman | 85 |
| Fourth graders outraged when they find out they don't have to use cursive | Bhargavee Gnanasambandam | 85 |
| CaseCash funneled through offshore bank accounts | Michael Codega | 85 |
| Fanciest things at Case Western Reserve University | Mount McKinley | 85 |
| New campus transportation service launches Urban Dictionary ...for the fancy | Anne Nickoloff | 85 |
| 8 Things to do for a fancy Thanksgiving as a poor college student | Riddhi Patel | 85 |
| Case orders shipment of ivy to increase prestige | Eric Polhemus | 85 |
| Skype interview takes devastating turn | Anastazia Vanisko | 85 |
| The New Residence Hall is broken | Barnabas Brennan | 85 |
| The Athenian to change its name to Progressive First Quicken Energy Loans humor magazine | Sabanrab Bocaj | 86 |
| Apple to begin selling indulgences | Jessica Chalas | 86 |
| CWRU to offer premium degrees | Caleb Diaz-Spatharos | 86 |
| Bon Appétit buys Cleveland | Bhargavee G. | 86 |
| A capitalist's guide to winning | Jack Donaghy | 86 |
| The greatness of K-Cupts | Letty Dornfeld | 86 |
| Twinkie discontinuation hoax spurs bidding war on "Last Twinkie" | David Pendergast | 86 |
| Local man added to terrorist watch list | Anastazia Vanisko | 86 |
| Holidays on a budget | Adithi Iyengar | 86 |
| Who said it: Barbara Snyder or Kanye West? | Tejas Joshi | 86 |
| Packaging to include packaging | Eric Polhemus | 86 |
| CWRU offered Black Friday tuition discount | Rocky Codega | 86 |
| Holidays by the numbers | Daniel Mottern | 86 |
| €ANDIDATE$ FOR THE TEN DOLLAR BILL | Letty Dornfeld | 86 |
| The Wifi tax: A month later | Paul Palumbo | 86 |
| Area mom likes every USG facebooks tatus | Riddhi Patel | 86 |
| After four grueling weeks of 'famiyl time,' CWRU students rae eager to get back to the best that Bon Appetit has to offer... | Jared Clark | 87 |
| How to Deal With Cleveland Winters | Annie Nickoloff | 87 |
| Feminism FTW: Man ignores woman's obvious flaws on first date | Jejas Toshi | 87 |
| The U.S. in a year | Anastazia Vanisko | 87 |
| First Lady to be removed for making the nation healthy | Riddhi Patel | 87 |
| Weird customs explained | Jessica Chalas | 87 |
| Area man claims every speeding ticket that he gets is his first | Charles Li | 87 |
| A Semester of historic firsts, by President Barbara R. Snyder | Steve Kerby | 87 |
| New Study finds that Americans follow New Year's resolutions as religiously as 1st amendment | Unpaid Intern | 87 |
| Election 2016: Democrats break out in cat fights while Republicans actually get to debate | Katherine Starr | 88 |
| Wealthy Saudi Prince gets mad for no longer being able to buy animals | Bhargavee Gnanasambandam | 88 |
| Snake replaces Ralph Lauren model | Adithi Iyengar | 88 |
| Ted Cruz reincarnated as centipede | Sabanrab Bocaj | 88 |
| #HipposArePeopleToo | Michael Codega | 88 |
| Review: Hamilson hogs the theater | Julia Bianco | 88 |
| What if Bon Appétit was run by animals? | Letty Dornfeld | 88 |
| People tjat are going endangered | Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, Resident Nostalgia Correspondent and Professional Old People Translator | 88 |
| Case Western Animal Reserve | Letty Dornfeld | 88 |
| CWRU names Michelson-Morley experiment new mascot | Steve Kerby | 88 |
| The birds and the bees - Explained! | Slar'rgron Baxla | 88 |
| Village to charge mice for housing | Riddhi Patel | 88 |
| Squirrel's day out! | Anne Nickoloff | 88 |
| If fish had thumbs | Letty Dornfeld | 88 |
| A conversation with the chicken who crossed the road | Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle | 88 |
| Political parties' mascots | Katie Starr | 88 |
| Dating advice | Jessica Chalas | 88 |
| Falling in love with a Furry: How I got ringworm | Lucy Wan | 88 |
| Athenian buys Observer | Marissa Neel | 89 |
| Provost announces tuition decrease for 2016 - 2017 academic year | Farah Rahman | 89 |
| New donor initiative to include student input | Paul Palumbo | 89 |
| Administration's open forums discuss administrative necessities | Caleb Diaz | 89 |
| New walls fix campus diversity problems: Civil engineering professors and students collaborate to meet new federal "wall" requirements set by Trump for universities | Justo Karell | 89 |
| A look inside the Microsoft Hololens | Isidora Radovanovic | 89 |
| Trump "just kidding" about wall, independent run, entire campaign: an intriguing press release | Tejas Joshi | 89 |
| Yik Yak: Exposed | Bhargavee Gnanasambandam | 89 |
| Review: The Athenian Update | Michael R. Codega | 89 |
| CWRU security crime blotter | Steve Kerby | 89 |
| Climate change: Earth unfiltered | Letty Dornfeld | 89 |
| Game review: New "Pac-man" | Daniel Mottern | 89 |
| CWRU celebrates Earth Day with consumerism festival | Sabanrab Bocaj | 89 |
| The next greatest show: "Friends" | Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley | 89 |
| Newspaper? More like snoozepaper | Jessica Chalas | 89 |
| Tobacco ban doesn't go far enough | Phillip Morris | 89 |
| It could always be worse | Oksinav Aizatsana | 89 |
| Who to choose: An in-depth analysis of the G.O.P candidates | Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley | 89 |
| Cleveland Pizza Hut ends deliver; ruins dreams | Anger McDanger | 89 |
| Let's talk about doors! | Paul Palumbo | 89 |
| Cultural appropriation | Riddhi Patel | 89 |
| Schools battle it out in the job market: a bracket | Mike McKenna | 89 |
| All sports to be replaced with e-sports | Alana Whersh | 89 |
| Trump hires rioters for more controversy | Daniel Mottern | 90 |
| All rising CWRU freshmen found to be1/8 Cherokee | Caleb Diaz | 90 |
| I have money, I am the one percent | Rocky Drumpf | 90 |
| Midwesterner accidentally holds door open for 13 hours | Paul Palumbo | 90 |
| Dead Representative's seat vacated | Steve Kerby | 90 |
| Map of the world | Americans | 90 |
| Countries ranked by their "Americanness" | Eric Polhemus | 90 |
| Old Man Out of Touch with Reality | Tejas "Tim" Joshi | 90 |
| Kardashians are true Americans | Riddhi Patel | 90 |
| Major Discrimination Leads to Outcry and Decline in NSF Funding: | Justo Karell | 90 |
| Open letter to America from the rest of the world | Paul Palumbo | 90 |
| Patriotic restaurant fight leads to injury | Bhargavee Gnanasambandam | 90 |
| How American are you? | Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, Captain General 'MERICA the Third | 90 |
| Cable providers to release 319 million new channels, one for every American | Sabanrab Bocaj | 90 |
| Blame Madlib | Eric Polhemus | 90 |
| Police brutality relieves national debt with jar fund | Oksinav Aizatsana | 90 |
| New Legislation: Definition of "mass shooting" changed so there are fewer mass shootings | Ann Cutlery | 91 |
| Local woman equally uncomfortable in boardroom, home | Jessica Chalas | 91 |
| Are You an Outsider? | Alaina Lisanti | 91 |
| Leaked Wells Fargo memo indicates desire to break up progressive politics | Harald Gormsson | 91 |
| Pokémon is for Outsiders | Sabanrab Bocaj | 91 |
| Man Confuses Real Life, Hit Broadway Musical "Hamilton" | Daniel Mottern | 91 |
| The Case Western Reserve Newcomer's Glossary | Letty Dornfeld | 91 |
| Top 10 places that are the friendliest to outsiders | Jolly Saperstein | 91 |
| CWRU excited to host GOP convention riots | Steve Kerby | 91 |
| Survey finds political science majors matter, politicians don't care | Oksinav Aizatsana | 91 |
| CWRU Admits First Perfect Student | Aquene Kimmel | 91 |
| The Truth Behind CWRU's Messed Up Clocks | Sabanrab Nannerb | 92 |
| A Rundown of the Last "Five" Minutes of Class | Jessica Chalas | 92 |
| How to Enhance your Bus Experience | Oksinav Aizatsana | 92 |
| CWRU Life Hacks | Riddhi Patel | 92 |
| Latest Smart Watch Feature Guide | Letty Dornfeld | 92 |
| Group Member's Web of Lies Exposed | David Pendergast | 92 |
| The Death of Journalism: | Tejas Joshi | 92 |
| CWRU Historical Timeline | Daniel Mottern | 92 |
| Einstein's Least Known Theories: From the Ridiculous to the Uncomfortably Accurate | Stephen Kerby | 92 |
| Five Words that Only Millenials Know: Valuable knowledge that Everyone Else is Missing | Alaina Lisanti | 92 |
| Man Not Sure if Argument Salvageable, but Determined to Try Anyway | Evelyn Turner | 92 |
| Using Five Extra Minutes Efficiently | Daniel Kessler | 92 |
| Top Five Ways to Slow Down Time | Paul Palumbo | 92 |
| Revealed: Walmart's Secret Menu | Eric Hartmann | 92 |
| Is it a real name for marijuana or a fake name for margarine? | Mary Johnson | 93 |
| Bayer-Monsanto merger paves road for the future | Sabanrab Bocaj | 93 |
| We're sorry: a letter from the NSA | Nathan Samuel Alberts | 93 |
| Jill Stein has less impact on the election that CWRU students | Climax Dynamo | 93 |
| Marrick Garland getting a good vibe about new job opening | David Pendergast | 93 |
| Condiment of a continent | Caroline Broadly | 93 |
| Canadians investigate former congressmen's Snapchat habits | Oksinav Aizatsana | 93 |
| Clinton unveils new tactic to win millennial votes | Riddhi Patel | 93 |
| The danger of generalizations: separating racism and affirmative action | Pensive Mike, Blogger | 93 |
| CWRU bookstore sells out of blue-collar shirts | Jessica Chalas | 93 |
| New study finds that most Miranda rights can't be heard over gunshots | Nancy R. Adams | 93 |
| Scientists reveal the shocking underlying cause of global warming | Erin Hartmann | 93 |
| Five industries that millenials haven't killed | Alaina Lisanti | 93 |
| Exercising my first amendment rights | Caroline Broadly | 93 |
| Millions to leave country if Trump is elected | Paul Palumbo | 93 |
| Pluto is a non-binary planet, they say | Ruth Johnson | 93 |
| Grapple with these CWRU ethical dilemmas | Steve Kerby | 93 |
| A Heuristic Analysis of the Binary Walkway | Peter Huett Daez, Ph.D., Saloni Langer, Ph.D., Barnabas Brennan | 94 |
| Local woman clearly doesn't understand emojis | Jeremy Wall | 94 |
| I never expected to not be changed by studying abroad in Mexico | Daniel Kessler | 94 |
| Recent polls show that CWRU is #2 in the nation for Athenian readers | Erin Hartmann | 94 |
| Need-aware policy shocks critics | Steve Kerby | 94 |
| How to get to Third Base | Harald Gormsson | 94 |
| U.S. ranked best in the world for subway system | Tejas Joshi | 94 |
| CWRU deceives prospies | Sabanrab Bocaj | 94 |
| Abbreviations you thought you knew | Jessica Chalas | 94 |
| Recent polls | Barnabas Brennan | 94 |
| New physics professor causes big buzz on campus | Letty Dornfeld | 94 |
| Free items you're actually paying for | Anastazia Vanisko | 94 |
| The Deceitful Tradition: | Justo Karell | 94 |
| Hidden surveillance rectifies the vagueness of CWRU security alerts | Riddhi Patel | 94 |
| Food marketing finds ways to increase product prices | Jessica Chalas | 94 |
| Quick and easy college recipes | Amanda Lawrence | 94 |
| Five activities that officially confer adult status | Paul Palumbo | 94 |
| New Study suggests universe, your mom will expand forever | David Pendergast | 95 |
| Reasons for the Greek Life decline | Jess Chalas | 95 |
| Lesser known Iran deals | Torres | 95 |
| New CWRU majors | Tejas Joshi | 95 |
| Community man finds printing, shipping services at Kenko severely inadequate | Karol Kalinski | 95 |
| Tweet reveals nuclear codes | Paul Palumbo | 95 |
| The Apocalypse | Barnabas Brennan | 95 |
| Inside the GOP's repeal and replace tactics | Steve Kerby | 95 |
| Other things the Islamic State has taken credit for this year | Erin Hartmann | 95 |
| CWRU puns | Charles Li | 95 |
| How to meet local singles | Jess Chalas | 95 |
| Groundhog comes out | Leticia Dornfeld | 95 |
| Atlas drops the world, shrugs it off | Paul Palumbo | 95 |
| Apocalypse happens, Case Bubble shelters students | Oksinav Aizatsana | 95 |
| Space flight biographies | Caroline Berry | 95 |
| Four horsemen refuse to ask for directions, apocalypse delayed | Sabanrab Bocaj | 95 |
| CWRU announces tuition break for wealthy students | Harald "Blåtand" Gormsson | 95 |
| Linguistics professors reach shocking consensus on pronunciation of CWRU | Karol Kalinski | 95 |
| Signs of the Apocalypse | Tejas Joshi | 95 |
| Airbnb capitalizes on climate change | Daniel Kessler | 95 |
| Chipotle now does brunch | Paul Palumbo | 96 |
| Bregg-xit: Brunch votes to leave lunch | Paul Palumbo | 96 |
| Trump approves contentions pipe pipeline | Eddie Kerekes | 96 |
| NIH grants $2 million to study if weekday brunch is possible | Oksinav Aizatsana | 96 |
| Neo-Nazi group complains about misunderstandings | Steve Kerby | 96 |
| Things to take a stand on | Jess Chalas | 96 |
| Reds go on strike, win first game | Eddie Kerekes | 96 |
| Brunch plans put on back burner, ignite | Erin Hartmann | 96 |
| Things you can't do at think[box] | Charles Li | 96 |
| Bring your work to kid day | Tejas Joshi | 96 |
| I like my eggs how I like my women | Henrietta Oeuf | 96 |
| Observer banned from attending White House press conference | Canderson Ooper | 97 |
| CWRU prepares to switch to Bulletin | Steve Kerby | 97 |
| CWRU promotes (ink) diversity | Jeremy Wall | 97 |
| Local student plans five minute block for joy | Paul Palumbo | 97 |
| CWRU releases Rate my Student | Jess Chalas | 97 |
| Study finds new personality type between A and B | Erin Hartmann | 97 |
| New bus driver takes Greenie in a new direction | Julie Pine | 97 |
| CWRU police talk down student attempting to walk home alone | Tejas Joshi | 97 |
| CWRU's new spambot | Leticia Dornfeld | 97 |
| Students report missing furniture | Alaina Lisanti | 97 |
| RHA furniture show sells out | Alaina Lisanti | 97 |
| Correlation and causation are correlated | Jonathan Schaefler | 97 |
| Greenie hits pedestrian, driver lauded | Leticia Dornfeld | 97 |
| Ltte: Student body's ignorance is disgusting | Charles Li | 97 |
| Unconventional method used to appoint new COC 2019 president | Steve Kerby | 97 |
| Ltte: A response to your critique of campus doors | Harald Gormsson | 97 |
| Hipster on WRUW breaks ranks, plays Ed Sheeran | Jasmine Heusey | 97 |
| She Stoops to Conquer can't conquer Death | Nailah Matthews | 97 |
| What to do this weekend | Erin Hartmann | 97 |
| Playlist of the Week | Michael Codega | 97 |
| Browns draft pitcher Alex Faedo as surprising number one pick | Eddie Kerekes | 97 |
| Tiger Woods wins CWRU mini golf championship | Eddie Kerekes | 97 |
| CWRU Athletics Department changes motto, school | Anastazia Vanisko | 97 |
| Final countdown ends: everyone stunned | Alaina Lisanti | 98 |
| Mom just learned the word "hashtag" | David Pendergast | 98 |
| CWRU takes gap year | Tejas Joshi | 98 |
| 600 GIFS that perfectly explain how we feel about finals week | Tejas Joshi | 98 |
| March Mania sweeps through admissions department | Eddie Kerekes | 98 |
| Syrian parents excited to hear child's last words | Jeff Brisket | 98 |
| Local milkshake stop uses last straw | Paul Palumbo | 98 |
| CWRU introduces new varsity Yoga team | Erin Hartmann | 98 |
| In which Mr. Jameson's stinginess is revealed | Jonathan Schaeffer | 98 |
| Top 10 ways Spirit Airlines saves money | Letitical Dornfeld | 98 |
| Battle of the Bands violates Geneva Convention, Model U.N. intervenes | Paul Palumbo | 98 |
| Famous last words before leaving KSL | Erin Hartmann | 98 |
| EPA trashed: Cuyahoga River, Lake Erie immediately catch fire | Charles Li | 98 |
| Local man achieves perfectly balanced life | Jess Chalas | 98 |
| CWRU freshman signs up for classes without checking Rate my Professors | Erin Hartmann | 99 |
| Incoming senior books vacation through first days of classes | Jess Chalas | 99 |
| The majors as campus trees | Sabanrab Bocaj | 99 |
| Study reveals the true cause of rising college costs | Jess Chalas | 99 |
| National Spelling Bee adopts inclusivity guidelines | Steve Kerby | 99 |
| Have low textbook costs? Don't talk about it. | Sarah Parr | 99 |
| The Athenian found the Reddit user behind the microscope meme | Leticia Dornfeld | 99 |
| Student orgs follow university's lead, become need-aware | Nita Ware | 99 |
| CWRU socialite attends two parties in one month | Paul Palumbo | 99 |
| CWRU wants you to put the "I" in "iClicker" | Sarah Parr | 99 |
| Shocking! CWRU announces delays in Clarke Hall construction | Paul Palumbo | 99 |
| The unintended consequences of Roach v. Case | Athena Western | 99 |
| Recent survey shows majority of Webkinz users are college students | Erin Hartmann | 99 |
| Four Tupperware lids lost in soccer mom stampede on new Container Store | Alaina Lisanti | 99 |
| New Pizza ATM descends from the heavens | Charles Li | 100 |
| The Athenian's Halloween 2017 costume ideas | Caroline Broadly | 100 |
| 100 places to cry at CWRU | Kat Retting | 100 |
| BOLSHEVIKS REBEL AGAINST 'FURNITURE OF THE MONARCHS' | Danny Miles | 100 |
| The Last Will and Testament of the Athenian | Nailah Mathews | 100 |
| 100: the good, the bad, the interesting | Nailah Mathews | 100 |
| The good and the bad of 100 | Erin Hartmann | 100 |
| Make your own Donald Trump Tweet | Daniel Mottern | 100 |
| 100 years of Athenian headlines | Karol Kalinski | 100 |
| In face of crisis, Office of Undergraduate Studies begins soap distribution initiative | Emily Tyszka | 100 |
| Dining halls catch flack, students call new snack packs wack | Paul Palumbo | 100 |
| In recognition of Saturn's 100 | Steve Kerby | 100 |
| Emojis Mad-Libs | Jess Chalas | 100 |
| Bitter-tweet: Twitter adpots 100-character limit | Paul Palumbo | 100 |
| Student finds 100 dollars, donates to Alumni Association | Daniel Kessler | 100 |
| CWRU PD unveils 100th Security Alert | Caroline Broadly | 100 |
| Student skips 100th consecutive class | Jeremy Wall | 100 |
| Local Kindergartener Celebrates the 100th Day of School with 100 Benjamins | Leticia Dornfeld | 100 |
| 100 uses for this magazine | Jess Chalas | 100 |