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Title	Byline	Issue #
Commentary: Its Just Breakfast, Dammit	Snoop	2
I Write These Articles To Impress Hot Women	Don Juan	4
Kiddie Korner	ME!!!!	4
Editorial: I'm Not a Bad Guy, Just Misunderstood	Saddam Hussein	8
Counterpoint: Nobody Cares.	Ty Tass, Federal Unfair Practices Committee	9
Most USG Funds to Dorm Reps Still Unused	Matt Greenfield	15
Alcohol and Reading Days: A Special Report	Peter Nalepa	15
Center for Institutional Research prepares for university re-accreditation evaluation	Samuel Rivier	15
Semester Grades	The Registrar	19
Sex and Dating	Ares, God of War	20
OMG I hate nerds	Kim Janson, Contributing Columnist	26
Observer Cancelled; Obvious Not So Hard to Deal With	Chase Sticky	27
Krauss Calls for Vote of No Confidence in God	Steven Tecedy	27
No Confidence Vote Spurs other Significant Vote	James Stafford	27
President Hundert Resigns Due To Illegal War, Torture	Averi Rims	27
Faith In The Classroom: Will The Fittest Values Survive?	Draque	27
Case Center for Women Changes Focus/Improves Facilities	Lenin In Squad	27
Lack Of "Intelligence" In Case Class "Design"	Lenin In Squad	27
You Can't Have 'Convervative' without CASE	Chase Sticky	27
SAGES Blows; University Raises Tuition	Asta Gerbec	27
Taste of Cleveland	Hank Lilac-Can	27
Four Random Films, Reviewed with Care	Sam Rivier	27
Comics Turn You Gay?	Draque	27
Ultimate Frisbee: Not a Sport, Stupid As Hell	Phillip Seitzer	27
Highland Games Come to Case	Christopher Williams	27
An Event Occurred, Stuff Happened, and People Came	Enormatron	33
Case Buys Bahamas With Student Tuition, Relocates Administration	Morjid Staff	33
The Master Plan, Part 2	Sawmill 1	33
Planning Far, Far Ahead is a Rational Idea!	Enormatron	33
Record Rainfall	Mit Ken Zest	33
Athenian Tries to Ridicule Eastwood, Has Difficulty	Morjid Staff	33
It's time for change	Frank Lee Moronique	33
Spartans Score Near-Win at Thermopylae	Mit Ken Zest	33
Case Students Could Care Less About Sports, Survey Shows	Steven Tecedy	33
Case Student Disappointed with His Facebook Friends' Loyalty	Yorrick Atlas	37
Tuition Costs Force Students into New Employment	John Wesley	37
Case Administration Reveals Perpetual Immobility Machine	Eduardo Hunderto	37
Case Study Reveals Too Much Alcohol Can Make You Drunk	Kaylee Bright	37
University Forms Committee to Control Number of Active Committees	Student 2134823	37
Student Peer-Pressured Into Not Smoking	Richard Astley	37
iPods are a right, not a privilege	Hilary Banes Lieberman-Nader	37
Everything is a Privilege, not a Right	A Wandering Fool	37
Top 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Reasons Why College Stuff Matters	BK Skinner	37
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here	Erectios, the Love God	37
World Ideologies Exposed! (Now With Cows)	Helos, The Sun	37
CWRU Makes Huge Jump in Princeton Review Poll	Rick James	37
I Hope You Get Skin Cancer	Your Grandmother	38
CWRU Spends More Money on Ugly Statues	Nealan C. Pottermuffin	38
Señor It is discovered To Be Illegal Immigrant	Clifton H. Pendergast IV	38
Case's Campus Revitalization Initiative (Cah-Creee)	Gustav Von Taintelhoompen	38
David Torah Comes Out Religiously	Clifton H. Pendergast IV	38
Case Begins New Work Study Program, Creates More Jobs?	Aloysius Syzmanski	38
A Zoological Guide to Campus Wildlife	Quentin Gruber	38
New Vice President for Planning and Budget Named	Spalding Cservik	38
How not to get sCWRUd Sex $ Dating (yes, the $ is intentional)	Kali, Goddess of Destruction	39
Athenian Shockingly Follows Through on Promise of Money for Articles	Flash Pidgin	39
Cleveland Unveils New Plans for Euclid	F.C. Pottermuffin	40
How not to get sCWRUd Sex $ Dating (yes, the $ is intentional)	Kali, Goddess of Destruction	40
She is Going to Court	P. Flyer	40
She Surprises Everyone; Market Suffers	P. Flyer	41
Campus Obesity Problem Identified; Brillian Solutions Suggested	P. Flyer	43
Murder Mystery Remains Unsolved; Several Suspects Targeted	Parker Hasbro	43
USG To Demand Grading System Be Changed to Gold Stars	Bruce Ciccone	43
Springfest To Be Held in the Imagination of a Small Child	John Haug	43
CWRU Engineering & Science Reivew To Have Nude Centerfold	Jason Hartwig	43
Incoming Freshmen To Be Administered Voight-Kampff Tests	Thomas Long	43
Cleveland Museum of Art Ransacked; Paintings Replaced With Exact Replicas; Philosophers Consulted As to Whether It Really Even Matters After All	Jack Mashburn	43
FML - Case Western Reserve Edition	P. Flyer	43
Leave Me Alone, Dammit!!!	Bugg Samuelson	43
Top 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Reasibs That Ted Danson is Awesome	Fabian Plotnick	43
Movie Review: Back to the Future V	Kari Thompson	43
Summer Fashion Review	AJGuy	43
CWRU Limbo Team Looking To Win National Title	Jeremy Mount	43
Case Western Softball Team Slips Past Brandeis, 39-2	Mike Howard	43
XTreme Inc.'s "Debilitatior" Diet Pills: The Proof	Gertrude Winkerstein	45
Sex and Dating	Maggie the Maenad	46
All the Private Conversation Outside My Door	Brett Veon	46
Google to Release GoogleFinch Soon	Roy Visage	46
The REALISTIC Five-Year Plan	SusieAnn Genesis Entrance-Sistine	46
I don't deserve to be treated like a thief just because I am one	Fast Hands Magoo	47
Land pirates make booty call at Crawford Hall; cupcakes looted	Ted Knight	49
Teddy bear given preference over student in room selection process	Oddibe McDowell	49
Maguire to Add Peanut Gallery	Felix Unger	49
Couric's Commencement Address to contain humor, bone-chilling revalations	Mike Garcia	49
Michelson-Morley Building found to be hiding world treasures	Orel Hershiser	49
Quiznos closes amidst scandal, mysterious death, and cries of foul play	Quentin Noscup	49
Student body now ignoring Brian Saxeingen	Gene Bearden	49
University Cracks Down on Hub Users	Jack Tripper	49
Student Health Service Says Headbanging Good Stress Relief	David Puddy	49
UPB to postpone several events next year	TXT-9000	49
Comic outsources to well-regarded internet fad amidst terrible dearth of comedy on campus	Millard Fillmore	49
Student Activity Fee reallocated again; now every student gets a Pomeranian	Shep Proudfood	49
Springfest headliners forced to cancel; Case Western Reserve University President Snyder requests GWAR as replacement	Kimmy Gibler	49
The Art of Class: Notes From a Qualified Source	B.D. Grill	49
ONE LAST TIME: Nothing good can stay: DC++ network shut down, thousands weep in mourning of its loss	Bennett Brower	49
Tiger Woods caught in love tryst with chipmunk	Jack Parkman	49
CWRU launches full-contact curling team, hopes to find willing victims for season	Sponge Harris	49
World Athletic Competition Wrap-up: Sumo Curling Results	Dick Schaap	49
Epic Battle Between Case Tae Kwon Do and Case Kung Fu Concludes; No Winner Named	Howard Cosell	49
No matter where I go, my stupid nicknames follow	Tom "Tommy Gun" Eldritch	50
A Zombie Weighs in on HVZ	Joe "Chompy" Wilson	52
Nobody gives me the respect I deserve anymore	Zeus, king of the gods	53
College students go "loko" after months of rationing favorite beverage	Stan Deidmann	55
Professor's senility mistaken for class on Dadaism, students shocked	Dan Steitmann	55
Cedar College to be revamped, "arts" appellation on the way out	Mann Standan	55
CWRU, Bon Apetite spar over CBA - lockout appears imminent	Jeb Cutter	55
Campus Reproductivity Supression Field Generator turned off - entire campus gets laid	Gorden Freedmen	55
CWRU Study Confirms Man - Made Lining of Furry Hoodies is Literally Made from Men	Harold Green	55
Giant robots to take over as centerpoint of Japanese relief effort	Tuu Suun	55
Athenian member farts during meeting - tries to pass off as carpet squeek	Jim Slick	55
Generations of wealthy children protest in nation's capital	Robert Wriles	55
Mubarak and Quaddafi switch places, hope no one notices.	Dan Isley	55
Words of advice from Thigh Mega Tampon	Heidi Horner	55
Uninteresting love interests: Hollywood's formulaic females and the men who love them	Marley's Ghost	55
My Journey to White Castle: why NOT to walk around East Cleveland at 1 AM	Chris Ciegas	55
Meditations from a man on the inside	Trevor "The Louse" Sponagle	55
New Ipad 3 released, renders all past Apple technology obsolete, exponential increase in smug	Susan Bleuth	55
Skin-tight fashion tips for the new season	Rita Skeeter	55
Review of, you know, this bar or something	Brycs Janson	55
Paneastles' to hit Spot - bring your mystery beer dollars, people!	Erik Nominal	55
HvC becomes BvC in twist of popular game	Steven Arcs	55
Alpha & Omega - If you didn't heat about it, don't even bother.	Nell Barker	55
Case's MFA Theater Program Full of Fancy-Footed Lady-Men	Jim Redds	55
Case Students are Tops at Finding More Inefficient Means of Travel than Walking	Bill Shooze	55
Unicycle Hockey team takes first at Knut Tournament over spring break	Dick Schaap	55
Champion chessboker brings trophy back to CWRU from weekend tournament	Pat Reiche	55
LFL player suspended for wearing pants	Clark Stanwick	55
NHL addresses cranial trauma with new equipment - players to wrap heads around it	Cappy Crane	55
MLB fans look forward to end of rigorous spring training regimen	Jack Whacker	55
Spartans swim to 3rd place at Snack Pack classis	Chip Connor	55
Administration and Greek Life team up for Badass Campus Improvement Project	Jane Foster	60
Ron Paul drops out, publicly endorses KONY 2012	The Winner	60
Tensions grew in the Middle East today, as new rumors surfaced about a possible Israeli tickle attack on Iran	Crackhead Bob	60
A conversation with... President Barbara Snyder	Captain Athenian	60
Outside the Circle News	Creeper Fred	60
Case by Case	Wonder Woman	60
The Cabin in the Woods actually completely ridiculous	Captain Athenian	60
Real Social Lives: Welcome to the Greek	Jane Austen	60
Dating and Sexing	Jameslove PhD	60
Justin Bieber to Launch Hip Hop Career	Miss Justin Bieber	60
Apologies to your mother (and to you?)	John Smith (the 2nd)	60
EA Sports Titles to Add Rioting, Streaking, Other Features to Attract New Players	Brew Drees	60
The beginner's guide to March Madness	Dick Vitale	60
FBI probes match-fixing scandal for Case intramural basketball tournament	jeBron Lames	60
Hunting Lincoln's Ghost: The Official Senior Project	Bear Nougat	61
Cthulu Found Vacationing in Lake Erie, Beings Clean-Up Campaign	Fred J. McGillicutty	62
Mr. Bro Universe Pageant An "Astounding Success"	Louis Cypher	62
The Bums to Play at the Spot	Grover Marcata	62
Case Center For Inquiry and Campus Crusade for Christ Declare War	C. Wright	62
1 Student Dead, 2 Injured After Attempt to Dance in Thwing Ballroom	Sean "Booger" Harkinson	62
Area Man Fights Punching Bag, Loses	Fred J. McGillicutty	62
Iran's Drone Revealed to be Low-Budget Crap	Robin Banks	62
2012's Vacation Hot Spots	the Vacation Guru	62
Obama Announces Plans to Ban Straight Marriage	Louis Cypher	62
BMEs complete annual major changing ceremony	Don Key	63
Case Model UN's peacekeeping committee learns the meaning of irony	Steve "Klondike" Barr	63
Case institutes new anti-crime policy that gets everything out in the open	E. Cole Ayi	63
New bike program to save millions of microseconds in commute	Fred J. McGillicutty	63
New Arizona contraception bill gives birth to new controversy	Bob Khatz	63
Ryan and Akin announce union, declare "No Homo"	Grover D. Rover	63
Recent polls show empty chair continues to gain in swing states	Dusty Rhodes	63
No adorable things are safe from Romney's	Tiffany Truffles	63
Leaders of radical Libyan militia confused by attack on headquarters	E. Cole Ayi	63
More scandalous photos of the Royal Family found	Mary Jane Watson	63
World of Warcraft Senate Candidate Fires Back. LITERALLY.	Satin Palin the first	64
Conservative Families Support "End of PBS," Poll Shows	F. Scott Fitzgerald	64
As Election Day Nears, Mitt "Two Face" Romney Forgoes All Semblance of Honesty in Order to Appeal to Voters	Hunter S. Thompson	64
Reality Check: Darth Obama, Lord of the Sith	James Cole	64
Congress Passes "Fedora License" Law; Case Students Riot	Arthur Conan Doyle	64
Constitution Party drops current candidate, endorses Basil Marceaux	the Joker	64
Candidates get down and dirty - grammatically	Olivia Davis	64
The Athenian proposes National Inappropriate Laughter Day	Martha Keith	65
Archeologist Suggests Mayans Just Planned Big Surprise Party	Gulliver	65
New research suggests that those pants do make you look fat	The Reporter	65
A Remembrance of Things Past	Bradley Ricca	65
The Athenian's guide to improving your performance in the classroom	Oliver Grant	65
Fox News is a (Practical) Joke	Chuck E. Cheese	65
Places To See (Enough of to Leave) Before You Die	Anthony Hopkins	66
My experiences in a beautiful Yellowstone	the girl next door	66
Riding the rails to beat the pump	The Milk Man	66
Upcoming playoffs - Browns vs. puppies	a Vegas bookie	66
It's a rap: how America's rappers spent the off season	Garth Brooks	66
THe Lord of the Rings may be hazardous to your health	Alicia Keys	66
A student homesick - for Case?	Hugh Laurie	66
The 7 Degrees	Dr. Gambit	66
Case wind turbine sad with no people to wave to	Charles F. Brush	66
Seven ways to stay alive in the post-apocalypse	Dr. Jekyll	67
Brains: the answer to life, the universe, & everything	Mr. Chuckles	67
The Zuper Bowl VI - the play by play	Mariah Dornberger	67
Down and dirty with zombie fashion	Hallie Dolin	67
The pick two deal of the college experience	Jon C	67
The Athenian names its five best games of 2012	Leon Trotsky	67
No laughter in L.O.L. as new craze sweeps undergraduates	Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle	67
Drunken Advice 2013	Ivan Tadrinkow	68
Barbara Snyder sells CWRU to foreign investors	Nick Pilla	68
Is it true? Do professors drink too?	River Tam	68
Midterm study drinking games: how to feel productive when you're absolutely not	Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle	68
Wacky, weird, & crazy foods	Jon Chan	68
Then Athenian's guide to March Madness	Evan Martin	68
The foods that are best coming up, the second time around	Mo Joe	68
The dark side of dressage: are Europeans eating Rafalca?	Alex Aloi	68
Case alumnus victim of world's worst food disaster	Hallie Dolin	68
Leutner & wine combinations (that you should definitely try)	Mr. Chuckles	68
Cleveland Indians sign Backyard Baseball character for four years, $50 million	Nick Pilla	68
No-Contact boxing league launched	Mr. Chuckles	68
Students fight for new honors fraternity ΣEX on campus	Otter Diggs	69
Over the Rainbow: an inside look	Mo Jo	69
Professor Bradley Ricca announced Man of the Year by Athenian staff	Mike McKenna	69
Dancing the dirty tango	The Ginger Critic	69
To the lover: a handbook to sleeping with a thespian	Drama Guru	69
The Athenian's App of the Month: Harem Periods Tracker	Yigit	69
Album of the month	Tom Roberts	69
Sex & Dating	Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle	69
Oscar sweeps: CWRU kids rioting	Hallie Dolin	69
Game review of the month: Kerbal Space Program	Mr. Kerballer	69
Restaurant review: Bazonga's Eatery	Mr. Chuckles	69
The Athenian's playlist of the month	Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle	69
A note from an athlete	Damsel Kate	69
Football teams find new use for Cosmopolitan	River Tam	69
Competitive Testing League arrives on CWRU campus	Jon Chan	69
CWRU to host 2015 Quidditch World Cup	Hallie Dolin	69
The comprehensive 2013 Indians preview	Robin Hood	69
East Cleveland joins in on campus Humans vs. Zombies game	Rowan Wilde	70
Wormhole scare at Peter B. Lewis draws police, astrophysics experts	Winchester Mac Cionaodha	70
The Science of Scary Movies	Evan Martin	70
Wax museums nationwide hit by worst heat wave in history; profits melt	Hallie Dolin	70
The Real Disney Horror	Josephs E. Tinnertink McDuffle	70
The tables have turned; Grab-It grabs YOU	Mugwump McMillionaire	70
A new kind of horror book in CWRU bookshelves	SIerra Blanton	70
Robin Thicke inducted into ROck and Roll Hall of Fame	Bill Lohny	70
The Japanese Horror Tale	Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara	70
Unseasonable weather causes "worst student-led battle in history"	Hallie Dolin	70
The plot to destroy Wikipedia	Anastazia Vanisko	70
Professor mistaken for ghost, killed by wannabe Ghostbusters	Winchester Mac Cionaodha	70
BREAKING NEWS: Straight A student crushed between library stacks	Ellie Rambo	70
Sheep Marketplace: The New World of Drugs	River Tam	71
Chick-Fil-A and Barilla form discrimination federation	Ellie Rambo	71
Michael Vick in hot water again due to shopper fighting ring allegation	Winchester Mac Cionaoith	71
How will CWRU celebrate Cyber Monday?	Sarah Whelan	71
How to prepare for Black Friday	Kushagra Gupta	71
Redefining why we give thanks	Kayla DeVault	71
The Johnson Family's Black Friday Vacation	Alex Aloi	71
Black Friday to combine with the black market due to governmental PR campaign	Hallie Dolin	71
Celebrity Voices: Rebecca Black Friday	Tejas Joshi	71
Mufasa dies in stampede of Black Friday shoppers; Simba grieves	Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle	71
Fanatics against Black Friday	Anastazia Vanisko	71
CWRU tuition funding faculty Thanksgiving dinner	River Tam	71
Price Slasher remains at large	Tejas Joshi	71
Industry giant promises to revolutionize gaming world	Sarah Whelan	72
George Bush III to join Lunar Orbita Guard; public opinions mixed	Hallie Dolin	72
Shortage of spoons due to World War V	Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle	72
Ewoks: the new warm fuzzy feeling that everyone wants	Anastazia Vanisko	72
The Room named greatest movie of last thousand years	Emil Hufflenutz	72
The Legacy of The Tale of Genji	Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara	72
Your guide to getting busy on Mars	Swisgar Wartooth, the Love Doctor	72
Google SmartCar crashes; Experts say Google Glass to blame	Bill Lohny	72
Apple and Samsung escalate conflict	Kyle Berkowitz	72
Lunar Bay - The New Gitmo	River Tam	72
An early winter science roundup	Evan Martin	72
Tinkham Veale Center lifts off	John Rambo	72
Fears come true: Man marries cat in elaborate ceremony	Littelfot Brontasor	72
Cleveland's Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) isn't so contemporary anymore	Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle	72
My house and my family and my dog,	Billy Wenderson	72
Phallus in Blue,	Rick Homer	72
Empty Room,	Bob Thime	72
Jack Daniels breaks up with Coke	Doug Oswald	73
Canada readying to politely leave the continent; USA dismisses any concerns	Sarah Whelan	73
When Life Gives You Eggs	Kayla DeVault	73
One Direction gone: Mass panic ensues	Josephus E. Tinnertink-McDuffle	73
Texsa is fainlly done	Anastazia Vanisko	73
Earing the title of "Worst Date Ever"	Kyle Berkowitz	73
A college breakup: Why it was never meant to be	John Rambo	73
Werewolves, vampires and angels collide	River Tam	73
HIMYM's Ted and Whatsherface heading towards a divorce	Julia Bianco	73
Jealousy: Turning saints into the sea	Marisa Neel	73
Olympian Olympics	Anastazia Vanisko	74
The Seven Days of Creation	Charlie Topel	74
Norse religious groups increase due to "Thor"	Marisa Neel	74
CWRU president makes supernatural deal, unleashes demonic weather	Hallie Dolin	74
The beginning of it All	Evan Martin	74
Princess Pizza and the power of rap	Julia Bianco	74
Goldey Fries and the three ice creams	Sarah Whelan	74
Deities destroy CWRU Theology 101	Kayla Devault	74
Essential Advice for Freshmen	Anastazia Vanisko	75.5
Summer's Reality TV Hits	Julia Bianco	75.5
Modern Art	Tejas Joshi	75.5
Working at a Summer Camp	Sabanrab Nannerb	75.5
CWRU Vigilante Vows To Locate New Campus Building	Kushagra Gupta	75.5
Welcome to Indie Nation	Marisa Neel	75.5
Matthew West Produces Top Christian Hit 'Do Something'; Proceeds to do Nothing	Kayla Devault	75.5
An Open Letter to Lebron James: Quit Playing With my Heart	Winchester Mac Cionaodha	75.5
Summer Suxxx	Charlie Topel	75.5
A Summer Wish List AKA New Year's Resolutions Part 2	Sarah Whelan	75.5
How to be Funny	Marisa Neel	75.5
Next great American novel told through Snapchats	Josephus E. T. McDuffle	75
Paranormal Greek Week continues	Michaela Epperson	75
A novel medicinal use for marijuana: the start of a new age	Tejas Joshi	75
Sterwart, Shatner hired as collective new face of legalized marijuana	Hallie Dolin	75
New USG initiatives very popular among students	Anastazia Vanisko	75
The art of "Getting Jolly"	Mel Sayre	75
Cleveland Bucket List	Kara Guyer	75
The Promise Land of CWRU Restaurants	Grace Gunderman	75
Interview with Lindsay: What to do while stoned	Marisa Neel	75
Advice: care less, smoke more	Evan Martin	75
Bring on 2014: A guide to being different	Kayla DeVault	75
The Japanese on April Fool's Day	Shinichi Atatakakunakattakara	75
Unpopular opinion: Marijuana killz	Charlie Topel	75
Ten thinks to do with your rock collection	Eleanor Rambo	75
REPORT: Former Brown's owner admits to being "high" during management decisions, sold team to pothead Jimmy Haslam	Release Winchester MacCionaodh, Former Ceveland Brown's owner	75
Athletic students give new meaning to "Rock-Hard"	River Tam	75
Nerd version of Fight Club to hold Stoning Festival	Polly Ethyl Ian	75
Cops Versus Druggies: A new game to improve campus spirit	Connie Huang	75
Fashion Trends of Summer 2014	Marisa Neel	76
Study Tips...for Exams	Sarah Whelan	76
What can brown do for you?	Evan Martin	76
Cleveland condemned...maybe	Anastazia Vanisko	76
Predicting the ultimate, and grisly, outcomes of "Game of Thrones"	Hallie Dolin	76
Politicians start their children on the campaign trail early	Julia Bianco	76
Phoenix wings: Cheap, tasty and everlasting	Anastazia Vanisko	76
Study finds many birds lack regeneration genes	Tejas Joshi	76
Belize it or not	Kayla DeVault	76
It's got sass, class and a lot of glass - welcome to the new TV Center	Greg Ritchey	76
Thwing Center will become new zombie apocolypse shelter	Adithi Iyengar	76
Student with last name 'Z' submits SAGES writing portfolio as commencement begins, when it reaches him, it's done	Kayla Devault	76
An overview of CWRU's greatest scandals...in the 2013-2014 academic year	Hallie Dolin	76
Barbara Snyder gives familiar commencement speech; inquiries made	John Rambo	76
Students Respond to Parking Issues	Sabanrab Bocaj	77
Security Presence on Campus Increased Following Recent Incidents	Raff Steporter	77
Five Reasons to Change the Spartan to a Cat	Julia Bianco	77
Restaurant Review: A New Local Favorite	Anton Ego	77
The Freshman Fifteen	Jessica Chalas	77
Majority of Americans choose career path based on required college courses	Tejas Joshi	77
5 Ways to know Halloween is Coming	Anne Nickoloff	77
How the Elephant Stairs Got Their Name	Kushagra Gupta	77
Bon Appetit Renames Dining Halls to Remain Hip, Happening	Winchester Mac Cionaoith	77
10 Big Decisions for Freshmen	Paul Palumbo	77
Lebron: I'm glad you're back, but it'll take time for our relationship to heal	Winchester Mac Cionaoith	77
Nerdy Party Gone Wrong: CWRU Nerds Finally Go Crazy	Anastazia Vanisko	77
TVUC and Veale Center fight over name Veale: New Student Group Battle for Name Rights	Paul Palumbo	77
United States National Debt Solved by Selling Textbooks	Meg Griffin	77
XXX Family Presents: 13 Days of Hallowpeen	Julia Bianco	77
Big Expectations - From a Freshman's Perspective	Greg Ritchey	77
Big Let Downs - From a Sophomore's Perspective	Disappointed Student	77
Memories of the 90's	Sabanrab Bocaj	78
Lost CWRU Traditions	Barnabas Brennan	78
Quotes From a Grandpa	Julia Bianco	78
Back in the Year 2014	Jessica Chalas	78
The Athenian's Tips for Aging Gracefully	Cloe de Plume	78
Alien Invaders Unable to Understant Tinkham Veale's Interactive Screen	Adithi Iyengar	78
KSL Exhibit CWRU Life in the Past: The Horse-Drawn Healthline	Canderson Ooper	78
A Taste of TVUC: Restaurant Review	Anton Ego	78
How To Tell You're Getting Older	Mahima Devarajan	78
Area Student Slowly Realizing Quarter-Zip is Not Warm Enough for Cleveland Autumn	Canderson Ooper	78
The Pipers' Greatest Win: Remembering Cleveland Sports Heyday	JP O'Hagan	78
A Building Not to Be Forgotten	Nardine Taleb	78
Modern Fire Codes Prevent Art From Catching Fire When Searching For Meaning	Kushagra Gupta	78
SAGES: It Just Keeps Getting Better	Anastazia Vanisko	78
A Scary Story	Greg Ritchey	78
Gray vs. Gray	Jessica Chalas	79.5
Cleveland Weather gets to Area man; joints fight club to "feel something"	Sally Hansen	79.5
Things You Should Know	Martha Stewart	79.5
Gray: Why people should warn you if it's on your face	Kushagra Gupta	79.5
2014 End of Year Political Review	Sabanrab Bocaj	79.5
Sneak Peak: The Athenian's "50 Shades of Grey" Review	Kara Guyer	79.5
Which elite, jet-setting billionaire business mogul are you most like?	Quizfeed Staff	79.5
Waking Up Colorblind	Anastazia Vanisko	79.5
Simply Suzan: The Advice Column	Scott	79.5
Freshman Goes Crazy Over Snow: Excitement Lasts One Minute	Anastazia Vanisko	79
App Automatically Presses Snooze Button: Revolutionary New Alarm Clock That Understands College Life	Julia Bianco	79
Tips to Avoid Doing Homework	Jessica Chalas	79
Vicious Cycle of Laziness	Jessica Chalas	79
Basicness Infects CWRU	Sally Mayfield	79
2016 Presidential Elections: Looking Forward	Sabanrab Bocaj	79
Netflix Users Too Lazy to Click to Next Episode	Julia Bianco	79
XXX Family Presents The 25 Days of Dick-mas	Julia Bianco	79
Area Student Realizes He Doesn't Know Family Well Enough to Buy Them Heartwarming Christmas Presents	Canderson Ooper	79
When Laziness Overcomes Cheapness...	Anastazia Vanisko	79
Heated Vents New Hot Spot on Campus	Paul Palumbo	79
Lazy Song Parody	Nardine Taleb and Fatimah Abouelsoud	79
A Message From Your Friendly Neighborhood Food Deliverer	Paul Palumbo	79
Traffic Advisory	Bertrand Kelekolio	79
tl;dr	Anne Nickoloff	79
Muppet Elected to House or Representatives	Sabanrab Nannerb	80
Mood Ring Deception	Kushagra Gupta	80
Ice cream machine dispenses horrifyingly unexpected contents	Tejas Joshi	80
Retired Crayola Colors	Percy "Bitch" Shelley	80
New Case Crayola Colors	Paul Palumbo	80
Area student has yet to attend a class this semester	Canderson Ooper	80
Legendary Rainbow Sparks Legendary Search	Paul Palumbo	80
MCAT 2015 to Include Law, Aerospace Engineering	Farah Rahman	80
DMHO KILLS: Substance Causes Millions of Deaths	Dr. Leo Spaceman	80
Play Hard: Party Harder: Hotshot Quarterback Johnny Manziel Crashes CWRU Party Scene	Aaron Shang	80
5 Colorful Themes That Will Make Your Prom a Hit	Anastazia Vanisko	80
Spring Fashion Adivce	Jessica Chalas	80
Buzzquiz: What's your color?	Percy "Bitch" Shelley	80
Campus Closure Mad Libs	Chrismaly Vidal	80
The Athenian's Honorable Mentions: Ideas that didn't quite make the cut	Anne Nickoloff, Editor-in-Chief	80
Lake Erie turned green after Chicago St. Patrick's Day parade gone wrong	Canderson Ooper	80
Anti-Jokes	Julia Bianco	80
Why'd I Ever Choose Case	Jessica Chalas	80
Horri... ahem... Awesome Puns	Fia	80
Campus letters defecated on; Satan worshipped	Bluffy Dumbers	81
Cleveland named number one consumer of orange cones	Julia Bianco	81
CWRU to remove all grass from campus; build more residence halls	Kushagra Gupta	81
How to live on $5 a week	Jessica Chalas	81
Spotlight on Research: The Wheel	Farah Rahman	81
Area asshole sinks CWRU's chances at reaccreditation, causes students to lose financial aid	Canderson Ooper	81
Time capsule unearthed: Contents include drugs and 60s technology	Anastazia Vanisko	81
Overwhelming number of candidates in USG elections leads to three medical emergencies	Julia Bianco	81
McDonalds to open on CWRU campus	Sarah Whelan	81
Area man obsessed with Dick's	Max Johnson	81
The Daily writers drop off the face of the earth	Anastazia Vanisko	81
Dear editor, Grievances for this issue of "The Observer"	Jenny Lin	81
University Media Board: Ideas that could change the world - If anyone let them	Adithi Iyengar	81
My very lazy Yik Yak opinions column	Julia Bianco	81
Care about these profound truths	Rachel Payne	81
Some white lies to sell the grey and blue	Rachel Payne	81
Spartan Spotlight: CWRU Junior, Martin Egbert	Mel Sayre	81
The Athenian's honorable mentions: Ideas that didn't quite make the cut	Annie Nickoloff, Director of Cuts	81
Playlist of the Week: American Edition	Anne Nickoloff	81
Eldred Theater presents "Seinfeld the Play: A Show about Nothing"	Al Sononas	81
Classic reviews: "Star Wars IV: A New Hope"	Paul Palumbo	81
Spartans take the win in alternative sports	Sabanrab Bocaj	81
Dog draws dozens to CWRU football field	Paul Palumbo	81
Spy Kids 3D: Game Over... in 2D	Carmen Elizabeth Juanita Echo Sky Brava Cortez	82
CWRU shines at talent show	Bluffy Dumbers	82
Summer Fashion Tips	Anastazia Vanisko	82
Top 10 places to live off campus	Barnabas Brennan	82
Clevelad to Host Olympics	Kameron Moon	82
Grab-it delivers	Riddhi Patel	82
Embarriassng phases all 20-year-olds went through	Jessica Chalas	82
Student and water bottle vanish	Anastazia Vanisko	82
Allergy-Conscious Food Options	David Pendergast	82
RHA Newsletter Madlib	x Ellango	82
The 6 worst internships	Tejas Joshi	82
Clarke Tower elevator replaced with the one from "Willy Wonka"	Azure Khun	82
Back from the depths: University considers releasing lagoon monster to fight crime	Jimmy Matthiesen	82
2 future 4 u: "Back to the Future Part II" got it WRONG	Anne Nickoloff	82
Guess the butt: Superhero edition	Anne Nickoloff	82
Athenian Classifieds: Free & For Sale Page	Paul Palumbo	82
Area Student found preserved under snow	Farah Rahman	82
Teachers who help students	Sabanrab Bocaj	82
Demonic design in dorm demonstrates danger	Paul Palumbo	82
Man receives email from Nigeran prince, turns out to be real	Sabanrab Bocaj	83
Shiz freshmen say	Jessica Chalas	83
Netflix withdrawal Disorder a serious issue for returning students	Julia Bianco	83
Returning student claims again, "This will be the year!"	Marissa Neel, part-time UFO gazer and Roomba Enthusiast	83
Local man mistakes barista for someone who gives a damn	Sam Musilli	83
Examining CWRU's tuition spending	Tejas Joshi, Award-winning statisticial and clam-breeder	83
New names for Cleveland Indians leaked	Mike McKenna	83
Welcome, Freshmen!	Riddhi Patel	83
Local area man hasn't looked up what Benghazi is yet, not about to start now	Tejas Joshi, Journalist (rated 4 stars on Yelp)	83
An Open Letter Considering Pluto	Farah Rahman	83
How to be funny	Lindsey Jacobs, Part-time McDonald's employee	83
Disney princesses reimagined as exactly the way they were in the movie they first appeared in	Julia Bianco	84
Google Incognito Man Harasses CWRU Students	Oksinav Aizatsana	84
All the Entrances to Strosacker ... Ranked!	Tejas Joshi	84
Dooby Zoo and the gang solve a myster!	Tim Travitz	84
Illuminati sightings on campus	Sabanrab Bocaj	84
Area man accidentally shows up to Oktoberfest dressed up as Nazi	Sabanrab Nannerb	84
Controversial "Blue's Clues" episode receives mixed response from fans	David Pendergast	84
A study in calculus: Sherlock deductions aid students	Stephen Kerby	84
CWRU students unable to understand class	Michael Codega	84
Analysis of Robert Zimmerman's "Blowin' in the Wind"	Raff Steporter	84
Quiz: Which political candidate are you?	Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley	84
Top 4 Hillary Clinton scandals	National Inquirer	84
Review of German 101	JP Peralta	84
Mystery message in shadow of statue out front of the Jolly Scholar	Caleb Diaz	84
Mystery mad lib: Case #84, Disappearing and appearing items	Jessica Chalas	84
Athenian classifieds	Daniel Mottern	84
Big foot found on campus	Adithi Iyengar	84
Blacklight reveals CWRU's dirty secrets	Riddhi Patel	84
Jack the Ripper found: turns out to be misunderstood Jack the Rapper	Paul Palumbo	84
Americans proudly defend 22nd amendment	Tejas Joshi	85
The World project shows that hard work and perseverance pays off	Caleb Diaz	85
Socialite shocked by realities of college life	Steve Kerby	85
An in-depth look at the best fashion trends with the similarities and differences of	Letty Dornfeld	85
Denny's quarterly earnings report: New changes introduced	Adam Erlichman	85
Fourth graders outraged when they find out they don't have to use cursive	Bhargavee Gnanasambandam	85
CaseCash funneled through offshore bank accounts	Michael Codega	85
Fanciest things at Case Western Reserve University	Mount McKinley	85
New campus transportation service launches Urban Dictionary ...for the fancy	Anne Nickoloff	85
8 Things to do for a fancy Thanksgiving as a poor college student	Riddhi Patel	85
Case orders shipment of ivy to increase prestige	Eric Polhemus	85
Skype interview takes devastating turn	Anastazia Vanisko	85
The New Residence Hall is broken	Barnabas Brennan	85
The Athenian to change its name to Progressive First Quicken Energy Loans humor magazine	Sabanrab Bocaj	86
Apple to begin selling indulgences	Jessica Chalas	86
CWRU to offer premium degrees	Caleb Diaz-Spatharos	86
Bon Appétit buys Cleveland	Bhargavee G.	86
A capitalist's guide to winning	Jack Donaghy	86
The greatness of K-Cupts	Letty Dornfeld	86
Twinkie discontinuation hoax spurs bidding war on "Last Twinkie"	David Pendergast	86
Local man added to terrorist watch list	Anastazia Vanisko	86
Holidays on a budget	Adithi Iyengar	86
Who said it: Barbara Snyder or Kanye West?	Tejas Joshi	86
Packaging to include packaging	Eric Polhemus	86
CWRU offered Black Friday tuition discount	Rocky Codega	86
Holidays by the numbers	Daniel Mottern	86
€ANDIDATE$ FOR THE TEN DOLLAR BILL	Letty Dornfeld	86
The Wifi tax: A month later	Paul Palumbo	86
Area mom likes every USG facebooks tatus	Riddhi Patel	86
After four grueling weeks of 'famiyl time,' CWRU students rae eager to get back to the best that Bon Appetit has to offer...	Jared Clark	87
How to Deal With Cleveland Winters	Annie Nickoloff	87
Feminism FTW: Man ignores woman's obvious flaws on first date	Jejas Toshi	87
The U.S. in a year	Anastazia Vanisko	87
First Lady to be removed for making the nation healthy	Riddhi Patel	87
Weird customs explained	Jessica Chalas	87
Area man claims every speeding ticket that he gets is his first	Charles Li	87
A Semester of historic firsts, by President Barbara R. Snyder	Steve Kerby	87
New Study finds that Americans follow New Year's resolutions as religiously as 1st amendment	Unpaid Intern	87
Election 2016: Democrats break out in cat fights while Republicans actually get to debate	Katherine Starr	88
Wealthy Saudi Prince gets mad for no longer being able to buy animals	Bhargavee Gnanasambandam	88
Snake replaces Ralph Lauren model	Adithi Iyengar	88
Ted Cruz reincarnated as centipede	Sabanrab Bocaj	88
#HipposArePeopleToo	Michael Codega	88
Review: Hamilson hogs the theater	Julia Bianco	88
What if Bon Appétit was run by animals?	Letty Dornfeld	88
People tjat are going endangered	Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, Resident Nostalgia Correspondent and Professional Old People Translator	88
Case Western Animal Reserve	Letty Dornfeld	88
CWRU names Michelson-Morley experiment new mascot	Steve Kerby	88
The birds and the bees - Explained!	Slar'rgron Baxla	88
Village to charge mice for housing	Riddhi Patel	88
Squirrel's day out!	Anne Nickoloff	88
If fish had thumbs	Letty Dornfeld	88
A conversation with the chicken who crossed the road	Josephus E. Tinnertink McDuffle	88
Political parties' mascots	Katie Starr	88
Dating advice	Jessica Chalas	88
Falling in love with a Furry: How I got ringworm	Lucy Wan	88
Athenian buys Observer	Marissa Neel	89
Provost announces tuition decrease for 2016 - 2017 academic year	Farah Rahman	89
New donor initiative to include student input	Paul Palumbo	89
Administration's open forums discuss administrative necessities	Caleb Diaz	89
New walls fix campus diversity problems: Civil engineering professors and students collaborate to meet new federal "wall" requirements set by Trump for universities	Justo Karell	89
A look inside the Microsoft Hololens	Isidora Radovanovic	89
Trump "just kidding" about wall, independent run, entire campaign: an intriguing press release	Tejas Joshi	89
Yik Yak: Exposed	Bhargavee Gnanasambandam	89
Review: The Athenian Update	Michael R. Codega	89
CWRU security crime blotter	Steve Kerby	89
Climate change: Earth unfiltered	Letty Dornfeld	89
Game review: New "Pac-man"	Daniel Mottern	89
CWRU celebrates Earth Day with consumerism festival	Sabanrab Bocaj	89
The next greatest show: "Friends"	Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley	89
Newspaper? More like snoozepaper	Jessica Chalas	89
Tobacco ban doesn't go far enough	Phillip Morris	89
It could always be worse	Oksinav Aizatsana	89
Who to choose: An in-depth analysis of the G.O.P candidates	Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley	89
Cleveland Pizza Hut ends deliver; ruins dreams	Anger McDanger	89
Let's talk about doors!	Paul Palumbo	89
Cultural appropriation	Riddhi Patel	89
Schools battle it out in the job market: a bracket	Mike McKenna	89
All sports to be replaced with e-sports	Alana Whersh	89
Trump hires rioters for more controversy	Daniel Mottern	90
All rising CWRU freshmen found to be1/8 Cherokee	Caleb Diaz	90
I have money, I am the one percent	Rocky Drumpf	90
Midwesterner accidentally holds door open for 13 hours	Paul Palumbo	90
Dead Representative's seat vacated	Steve Kerby	90
Map of the world	Americans	90
Countries ranked by their "Americanness"	Eric Polhemus	90
Old Man Out of Touch with Reality	Tejas "Tim" Joshi	90
Kardashians are true Americans	Riddhi Patel	90
Major Discrimination Leads to Outcry and Decline in NSF Funding:	Justo Karell	90
Open letter to America from the rest of the world	Paul Palumbo	90
Patriotic restaurant fight leads to injury	Bhargavee Gnanasambandam	90
How American are you?	Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, Captain General 'MERICA the Third	90
Cable providers to release 319 million new channels, one for every American	Sabanrab Bocaj	90
Blame Madlib	Eric Polhemus	90
Police brutality relieves national debt with jar fund	Oksinav Aizatsana	90
New Legislation: Definition of "mass shooting" changed so there are fewer mass shootings	Ann Cutlery	91
Local woman equally uncomfortable in boardroom, home	Jessica Chalas	91
Are You an Outsider?	Alaina Lisanti	91
Leaked Wells Fargo memo indicates desire to break up progressive politics	Harald Gormsson	91
Pokémon is for Outsiders	Sabanrab Bocaj	91
Man Confuses Real Life, Hit Broadway Musical "Hamilton"	Daniel Mottern	91
The Case Western Reserve Newcomer's Glossary	Letty Dornfeld	91
Top 10 places that are the friendliest to outsiders	Jolly Saperstein	91
CWRU excited to host GOP convention riots	Steve Kerby	91
Survey finds political science majors matter, politicians don't care	Oksinav Aizatsana	91
CWRU Admits First Perfect Student	Aquene Kimmel	91
The Truth Behind CWRU's Messed Up Clocks	Sabanrab Nannerb	92
A Rundown of the Last "Five" Minutes of Class	Jessica Chalas	92
How to Enhance your Bus Experience	Oksinav Aizatsana	92
CWRU Life Hacks	Riddhi Patel	92
Latest Smart Watch Feature Guide	Letty Dornfeld	92
Group Member's Web of Lies Exposed	David Pendergast	92
The Death of Journalism:	Tejas Joshi	92
CWRU Historical Timeline	Daniel Mottern	92
Einstein's Least Known Theories: From the Ridiculous to the Uncomfortably Accurate	Stephen Kerby	92
Five Words that Only Millenials Know: Valuable knowledge that Everyone Else is Missing	Alaina Lisanti	92
Man Not Sure if Argument Salvageable, but Determined to Try Anyway	Evelyn Turner	92
Using Five Extra Minutes Efficiently	Daniel Kessler	92
Top Five Ways to Slow Down Time	Paul Palumbo	92
Revealed: Walmart's Secret Menu	Eric Hartmann	92
Is it a real name for marijuana or a fake name for margarine?	Mary Johnson	93
Bayer-Monsanto merger paves road for the future	Sabanrab Bocaj	93
We're sorry: a letter from the NSA	Nathan Samuel Alberts	93
Jill Stein has less impact on the election that CWRU students	Climax Dynamo	93
Marrick Garland getting a good vibe about new job opening	David Pendergast	93
Condiment of a continent	Caroline Broadly	93
Canadians investigate former congressmen's Snapchat habits	Oksinav Aizatsana	93
Clinton unveils new tactic to win millennial votes	Riddhi Patel	93
The danger of generalizations: separating racism and affirmative action	Pensive Mike, Blogger	93
CWRU bookstore sells out of blue-collar shirts	Jessica Chalas	93
New study finds that most Miranda rights can't be heard over gunshots	Nancy R. Adams	93
Scientists reveal the shocking underlying cause of global warming	Erin Hartmann	93
Five industries that millenials haven't killed	Alaina Lisanti	93
Exercising my first amendment rights	Caroline Broadly	93
Millions to leave country if Trump is elected	Paul Palumbo	93
Pluto is a non-binary planet, they say	Ruth Johnson	93
Grapple with these CWRU ethical dilemmas	Steve Kerby	93
A Heuristic Analysis of the Binary Walkway	Peter Huett Daez, Ph.D., Saloni Langer, Ph.D., Barnabas Brennan	94
Local woman clearly doesn't understand emojis	Jeremy Wall	94
I never expected to not be changed by studying abroad in Mexico	Daniel Kessler	94
Recent polls show that CWRU is #2 in the nation for Athenian readers	Erin Hartmann	94
Need-aware policy shocks critics	Steve Kerby	94
How to get to Third Base	Harald Gormsson	94
U.S. ranked best in the world for subway system	Tejas Joshi	94
CWRU deceives prospies	Sabanrab Bocaj	94
Abbreviations you thought you knew	Jessica Chalas	94
Recent polls	Barnabas Brennan	94
New physics professor causes big buzz on campus	Letty Dornfeld	94
Free items you're actually paying for	Anastazia Vanisko	94
The Deceitful Tradition:	Justo Karell	94
Hidden surveillance rectifies the vagueness of CWRU security alerts	Riddhi Patel	94
Food marketing finds ways to increase product prices	Jessica Chalas	94
Quick and easy college recipes	Amanda Lawrence	94
Five activities that officially confer adult status	Paul Palumbo	94
New Study suggests universe, your mom will expand forever	David Pendergast	95
Reasons for the Greek Life decline	Jess Chalas	95
Lesser known Iran deals	Torres	95
New CWRU majors	Tejas Joshi	95
Community man finds printing, shipping services at Kenko severely inadequate	Karol Kalinski	95
Tweet reveals nuclear codes	Paul Palumbo	95
The Apocalypse	Barnabas Brennan	95
Inside the GOP's repeal and replace tactics	Steve Kerby	95
Other things the Islamic State has taken credit for this year	Erin Hartmann	95
CWRU puns	Charles Li	95
How to meet local singles	Jess Chalas	95
Groundhog comes out	Leticia Dornfeld	95
Atlas drops the world, shrugs it off	Paul Palumbo	95
Apocalypse happens, Case Bubble shelters students	Oksinav Aizatsana	95
Space flight biographies	Caroline Berry	95
Four horsemen refuse to ask for directions, apocalypse delayed	Sabanrab Bocaj	95
CWRU announces tuition break for wealthy students	Harald "Blåtand" Gormsson	95
Linguistics professors reach shocking consensus on pronunciation of CWRU	Karol Kalinski	95
Signs of the Apocalypse	Tejas Joshi	95
Airbnb capitalizes on climate change	Daniel Kessler	95
Chipotle now does brunch	Paul Palumbo	96
Bregg-xit: Brunch votes to leave lunch	Paul Palumbo	96
Trump approves contentions pipe pipeline	Eddie Kerekes	96
NIH grants $2 million to study if weekday brunch is possible	Oksinav Aizatsana	96
Neo-Nazi group complains about misunderstandings	Steve Kerby	96
Things to take a stand on	Jess Chalas	96
Reds go on strike, win first game	Eddie Kerekes	96
Brunch plans put on back burner, ignite	Erin Hartmann	96
Things you can't do at think[box]	Charles Li	96
Bring your work to kid day	Tejas Joshi	96
I like my eggs how I like my women	Henrietta Oeuf	96
Observer banned from attending White House press conference	Canderson Ooper	97
CWRU prepares to switch to Bulletin	Steve Kerby	97
CWRU promotes (ink) diversity	Jeremy Wall	97
Local student plans five minute block for joy	Paul Palumbo	97
CWRU releases Rate my Student	Jess Chalas	97
Study finds new personality type between A and B	Erin Hartmann	97
New bus driver takes Greenie in a new direction	Julie Pine	97
CWRU police talk down student attempting to walk home alone	Tejas Joshi	97
CWRU's new spambot	Leticia Dornfeld	97
Students report missing furniture	Alaina Lisanti	97
RHA furniture show sells out	Alaina Lisanti	97
Correlation and causation are correlated	Jonathan Schaefler	97
Greenie hits pedestrian, driver lauded	Leticia Dornfeld	97
Ltte: Student body's ignorance is disgusting	Charles Li	97
Unconventional method used to appoint new COC 2019 president	Steve Kerby	97
Ltte: A response to your critique of campus doors	Harald Gormsson	97
Hipster on WRUW breaks ranks, plays Ed Sheeran	Jasmine Heusey	97
She Stoops to Conquer can't conquer Death	Nailah Matthews	97
What to do this weekend	Erin Hartmann	97
Playlist of the Week	Michael Codega	97
Browns draft pitcher Alex Faedo as surprising number one pick	Eddie Kerekes	97
Tiger Woods wins CWRU mini golf championship	Eddie Kerekes	97
CWRU Athletics Department changes motto, school	Anastazia Vanisko	97
Final countdown ends: everyone stunned	Alaina Lisanti	98
Mom just learned the word "hashtag"	David Pendergast	98
CWRU takes gap year	Tejas Joshi	98
600 GIFS that perfectly explain how we feel about finals week	Tejas Joshi	98
March Mania sweeps through admissions department	Eddie Kerekes	98
Syrian parents excited to hear child's last words	Jeff Brisket	98
Local milkshake stop uses last straw	Paul Palumbo	98
CWRU introduces new varsity Yoga team	Erin Hartmann	98
In which Mr. Jameson's stinginess is revealed	Jonathan Schaeffer	98
Top 10 ways Spirit Airlines saves money	Letitical Dornfeld	98
Battle of the Bands violates Geneva Convention, Model U.N. intervenes	Paul Palumbo	98
Famous last words before leaving KSL	Erin Hartmann	98
EPA trashed: Cuyahoga River, Lake Erie immediately catch fire	Charles Li	98
Local man achieves perfectly balanced life	Jess Chalas	98
CWRU freshman signs up for classes without checking Rate my Professors	Erin Hartmann	99
Incoming senior books vacation through first days of classes	Jess Chalas	99
The majors as campus trees	Sabanrab Bocaj	99
Study reveals the true cause of rising college costs	Jess Chalas	99
National Spelling Bee adopts inclusivity guidelines	Steve Kerby	99
Have low textbook costs? Don't talk about it.	Sarah Parr	99
The Athenian found the Reddit user behind the microscope meme	Leticia Dornfeld	99
Student orgs follow university's lead, become need-aware	Nita Ware	99
CWRU socialite attends two parties in one month	Paul Palumbo	99
CWRU wants you to put the "I" in "iClicker"	Sarah Parr	99
Shocking! CWRU announces delays in Clarke Hall construction	Paul Palumbo	99
The unintended consequences of Roach v. Case	Athena Western	99
Recent survey shows majority of Webkinz users are college students	Erin Hartmann	99
Four Tupperware lids lost in soccer mom stampede on new Container Store	Alaina Lisanti	99
New Pizza ATM descends from the heavens	Charles Li	100
The Athenian's Halloween 2017 costume ideas	Caroline Broadly	100
100 places to cry at CWRU	Kat Retting	100
BOLSHEVIKS REBEL AGAINST 'FURNITURE OF THE MONARCHS'	Danny Miles	100
The Last Will and Testament of the Athenian	Nailah Mathews	100
100: the good, the bad, the interesting	Nailah Mathews	100
The good and the bad of 100	Erin Hartmann	100
Make your own Donald Trump Tweet	Daniel Mottern	100
100 years of Athenian headlines	Karol Kalinski	100
In face of crisis, Office of Undergraduate Studies begins soap distribution initiative	Emily Tyszka	100
Dining halls catch flack, students call new snack packs wack	Paul Palumbo	100
In recognition of Saturn's 100	Steve Kerby	100
Emojis Mad-Libs	Jess Chalas	100
Bitter-tweet: Twitter adpots 100-character limit	Paul Palumbo	100
Student finds 100 dollars, donates to Alumni Association	Daniel Kessler	100
CWRU PD unveils 100th Security Alert	Caroline Broadly	100
Student skips 100th consecutive class	Jeremy Wall	100
Local Kindergartener Celebrates the 100th Day of School with 100 Benjamins	Leticia Dornfeld	100
100 uses for this magazine	Jess Chalas	100