B. I. Bloser (Issue 3)

Dear Unkel Knobby,

I have to admit, I am kind of a loser. I sit in front of my television all day adn sleep. I’m kind of lonely because I don’t have a girlfriend. I wish I did, but I’m really shy around girls and I usually make a fool of myself. I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers on how to hook up with a nice chick. Thanx alot,

B. I. Gloser

Aww shucks B.I., I like gurrrrrrrrrrrrrls. Theys so pretti and they smell like dandilions. When I think of guuurls I think of this time when I ate a cracker with no milk and stayed up till two o clock watching Care Bears. Wun time I went in may neighbers back yard and tied myself to his swingset. He thot it was funny and so did I until I had to go potty. I don’t like macaroni and cheez becuz it smells like toothpaste. But you know whut. You shuld try a bowl of creamy Campell’s Tomato Soup.