Dear Advice Athenian,
I found a blood sigil in our basement, candles and everything. I don’t know how he set it up without opposable thumbs, but I think that’s how it happened and now something is seriously wrong with my dog. He keeps saying things like, “This canine form is limiting,” and growling at the clergy whenever we walk by the church in town. He’s been sleeping while levitating three feet in the air, and completely on his back with all four legs straight up and his eyes open. I’m considering consulting a priest, despite not having set foot in a church in years.
What else can I do?
Deprecare Deum pacis,
Man’s Best Friend
Dear Man’s Best Friend,
Dogs often exhibit this behavior when they believe they are the alpha of the household. What you need to do is set firm boundaries and punish negative behavior rather than rewarding it with attention. Re-establish yourself as the leader of the pack in your own home and remind your dog Cesar Milan style that it is you who are in control, not him. And yeah, maybe think about a priest.
Sincerely yours,
Advice Athenian