Hans Blistered (Issue 10)

Dr. Sex Rex, I’m an engineering major at Case and I’ve had a little trouble in the love department. Specifically, I can’t get my SexBot 3000 to function properly. Are there any alternatives that would help satisfy my urges? – Hans Blistered

You have come to the right place, Hans. I am the Headmaster of the Love Department. It is time you stepped out from behind your computer and tried meeting real girls, my pasty-white friend. The real thing might hit your wallet harder, but it is well worth it. All you have to do is find the right place to look. Check out this list of hot spots and women will be on you like stink on a computer science major.

Dr. Sex Rex’s Tips on Where to Find a Mate

Now that you know where to go, all you have to do is shower


The Internet – with the speed of CWRUnet, you can find a girl faster than she can lose you

East Cleveland – the area is located with fly honeys. Just make sure you pack protection (the kind that stops more than man-juice)

Forests – ladies like looking at words. Go give her a look at yours

Phone Hotlines – these love operators look even better than tey sound

Sororities – when they’re drunk, your job is already half way done

University Hospitals – find someone with enough money for the both of you

University Hospitals – find someone too weak to run

Your Roommate – think of the convenience