Willy Duet (Issue 11)

Dr. Sex Sex,
I help. need it! Girls, talk bAD! nervous, bAd TalKiGn converSATION! you havVE sometimez
give hELP. Build conFiDENce. bad AT SPEakIngG.!.?

thaNKS,
Willy Duet

Wow. So, apparently they’ll give a computer to just about anyone nowadays, eh? It’s fucked
up that your speech problem manifests itself when you type too. Really my man, it’s killing my
mojo. This has got to be the least sexy letter I’ve ever gotten. Work on that.
Now Willy, your problem is a common one, so instead of kicking your stupid ass, I’m going to
provide some tips and examples for mackin’ on the ladies.

1.) Flatter her.
The womenz love it when you compliment ‘em. Try something along the lines of:

  • My God, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Let’s have sex now.
  • I really like that shirt. It accentuates your eyes. Let’s have sex now.
  • That ass is tight! I’d love to tap it. Let’s have sex now.

2.) Be clear and direct.
A honey loves a man who tells her exactly what he wants. While you’re at it, tell her what she
wants too.

  • You’ve been waiting for me all your life. Now you can finally jump my bone, like you’ve
    always wanted.
  • I don’t really care what your name is. I’ll probably forget it anyway, and I’m never going to
    call you in the future.
  • I’m going to get you drunk and have sex with you.

3.) Maintain an air of confidence.

Whether she accepts or rejects your proposition, show no emotion. Remember, you are the
coolest man alive, and the coolest man alive cares about nothing. This is especially important
after a sexual encounter. Make sure she knows that you’re way too cool to ever see her again.
She’ll be so taken aback by your coolness that she’ll tell all her friends how cool you are. As a
result, they will all want to sleep with you, many of them at the same time.

So Willy (and all you other pathetic he-bitches out there), I hope this advice helps you be-
come less of a loser. Now don’t ever talk to me again.