Snoop Diggity Rob (Issue 12)

Dear Dr. Sex Rex-

I heard some of my coworkers talking about something called “doggy style sex.” I was confused, as I had never heard of it before. When I got home, I tried it out, but Rover wasn’t very cooperative. What am I doing wrong?

–Snoop Diggity Rob

Um, wow. Where to start on this one? Okay, first, do not ever use that pseudonym again, ‘lest you get your ass gassed. Second, I think you misunderstood what your coworkers meant by “doggy style.” You’re way off base. You are barking up the wrong metaphorical tree, so to speak. Snaps! You chose the wrong partner for doggy style sex, man. And as I always say, the first step to successful sex of any kind is choosing the right partner. Well actually, that’s the second step. The first step is being as sexy as me, which obviously cannot be done. So most people skip the first step, making the second the first by default. You see how it goes. Anyway, the first, err, second, step. You REALLY picked the wrong partner

You do not, I repeat, do NOT ever want to have doggy style sex with Rover. If you look at Rover’s name, the problem is apparent. Rover is a dog. A male one. If you want successful doggy style sex, you gotta find the bitches. That’s right Rob, the dog has to be a lady dog. You can’t expect cooperation if you’re trying to bone the one that is used to doing the boning. So remember, for proper doggy style sex, the paws have got to be soft, the nose has got to be wet, and the only protrusion allowed between the legs is a tail. I’d love to show you in person what exactly to
do, but I’ve got this ankle bracelet that kind of doesn’t let me leave my house, so you’re on your own. Now, get it on.