Dear High School Freshman Who Works at Defiant Seagull, My best friend and my boyfriend are up to something behind my back. On one hand, I don’t want to ruin my life-long friendship with Cynthia. After all, she is the one who introduced be to the joys of superficial, wait no, superdeeduper, teenie-bopperness. On one […]
Dear High School Freshman Who Works at Defiant Seagull, As the CEO of a major corporation mildly suffering from the wretchedness of today’s economy, I can no longer afford to buy Vienna ice cream with small countries as stocking-stuffers for my kids. While we aren’t starving to death, I am in the process of discovering
Down to Merely 8 Jaguars in New York City, NY (Issue 7) Read More »
Dear High School Freshman Who Works at Defiant Seagull I just returned from a business party catered by a Mexican food chain. Promoted up from peon status, inflated, and climbing the corporate bladder, I also have my hands full preparing for my first child, due in October. Meanwhile, I must deliver a Lizertorte cake with
Huffin’ and Puffin’ in San Francisco, CA (Issue 7) Read More »
Dr. Sex Rex, I’m getting old and having trouble getting up. what do you suggest? – Jim Potent Well Jim, I may be a fossil myself, but I have no problem getting up or down. However, there is a solution for your predicament. Don’t feel too bad about your problem. Your condition is shared by
Dr. Rex, Is Protection Really Necessary? – James Hat Protection is an important issue and it must be taken seriously if you plan on being intimate with a woman. If I had not used protection on my numerous wild adventures, I may not be here to talk to you right now. You never know what
Dr. Sex Rex, Does Size Really Matter? – Tiny Tim That is a silly question to ask Timmy – of course size matters. The ladies don’t call me dinosore for nothing. Women want a guy with plenty to go around, but a man has got to know his limits. Bigger is better, but too big
Unkel Knobby, I have this recurring dream where I am drowning in the ocean while hte rest of my family sits and laughs. I think it comes from when I was a child and my father used to throw beer cans at my head then make me sleep in the dog house outside. I was
Dear Unkel Knobby, I have to admit, I am kind of a loser. I sit in front of my television all day adn sleep. I’m kind of lonely because I don’t have a girlfriend. I wish I did, but I’m really shy around girls and I usually make a fool of myself. I was wondering
Dear Sensei, Wassup? Yo, I be trippin G. I gots an addiction to the ladies. Now, dis bizatch is doggin me, yo, and I’m like shiiiiiiiii. My homey said you could help a brotha out and I was like hale yeah. Drop me some words of wisdom, G. Play on Playa, Butta Luva My Most
Dear Sensei, I have a problem. To be perfectly frank. I am butt ugly. I’ve got back, the cottage cheese kind, a set of fully-grown muttonchops, and I am growing something that resembles a horn protruding from my forehead. I used to think I was special; I mean seriously, how many people do you know
