Dear Advice Athenian, By some scientific miracle, my dog acquired the ability to formulate intelligent human speech, but all he talks about is how much he hates me. I fear I’ve committed a crime against God and nature and I don’t know what to do. Please help! Sincerely,Man’s Best Friend Dear Man’s Best Friend, Believe […]
Dear Athenian Duck, My partner doesn’t want to celebrate valentines, but it’s one of my favorite holidays. What should I do? Thanks for your advice! -Valentine Enjoyer Dear Valentine Enjoyer, Ducks form bonds seasonally, so we get a new partner every year. I think you should make like a duck and dump him. You got
Hello athenian duck, Any good tips for having a fun Galentine’s Day all alone? Yours truly, lonely case student Dear Galentiner, I typically like to splash in Wade Lagoon or fly through the air with some of my besties. Self care is super important, so remember to take a relaxing bird bath and preen your
Hi Athenian Duck, What is love? Is it really a thing? My friends keep telling me it’s real, but I don’t believe them. (for context I am a CS major btw) Function endQuestion(); CS Major Dear CS Major, No, it’s not real <3 Don’t even worry about it. They’re just joking 🙂 Best wishes, Athenian
hey athenian dork, how can you even write if you are a duck? I don’t believe you’re really a duck. . . with sincerest hostility, Confused Case Student Dear Confused Case Student, I fulfilled my SAGES requirements early so I am now proficient in writing. Stop being a hater. Worst wishes, Athenian Duck
to athenian duck, how to find love? at case??? ty, Desperate CWRU Student Dear Desperate CWRU Student, I hear the despair in your tone, and I sympathize deeply with you. However, I am a duck and do not know how humans find love. Have you tried shaking your tail feathers or whistling a nice song?
Dear Crabby – I recently found out my two roommates are sleeping together. This wouldn’t be such a problem, but we live in a tiny off campus apartment and it can be rather cramped. Back in the beginning, I was fine with the periodic orgies they’d throw – hell, I’d even join in periodically. But
Dear Crabby, My roommates and I have been living together for nearly 4 weeks now, and I’m the only one who’s taken out the trash. I try to leave it for one of them to do, but eventually the whole apartment stinks and I’m the only one who does anything about it. I try talking
Objectified roommate living off campus (Issue 46) Read More »
Dear Crabby, My girlfriend and I have been together nearly a month. We both go to Case, so it’s natural that she has a lot of male friends. She’s very attractive, and I know a lot of her male friends are attracted to her. For the most part, I’m not jealous. However, she gets very
Poor, Neglected bloke from North Side (Issue 46) Read More »
Dear Doctor Sex Rex, I am dissatisfied with my current sexual existence, and would like to try a broader spectrum of experiences. How does one become a hermaphrodite? Thanks,Sleepless in Saskatchewan Whassup sleepless, A hermaphrodite, eh? Well I’ve never heard of that before but it sounds pretty fun. One of those Greek gods, right? I’m
